Harry Styles Imagines

Mercy.

If you're gonna break my heart, just break it.

I sometimes wonder if being in love is meant to be painful. I've always heard those things about how love hurts and when you find the right one, you'll know, that the thought of them leaving is so painful even your hair burns. I always found these stories completely ridiculous. How could you love someone so much even inanimate things ache? How could you be so dependent on ones presence that your own simply diminishes? My love was never like that. It was always so... beautiful. Everything about Harry was incredible. His heart was made of gold. His soul was lit like a beacon. I never imagined loving him could feel so cold.

*

"For fuck sake, what is this fight even about?"
His question was valid. We had been fighting since 4pm. Looking at the clock, it's already half past 7. Damn. What was this even about?

"That doesn't matter, what matters is your inability to see something is terribly wrong here!" There you go, turn the blame on him. Don't take responsibility for your jealousy and your selfishness. Blame the man who makes everything better.

"What are you going on about? You're the one who said you were fine. If you weren't comfortable with me being around her why didn't you just say so?" Shit. He's managed to ask a question filled with relevance, one I am unable to answer. The reality is, picking fights with him is my only way to ensure this is not a dream. It all seems too incredible. Too beautiful. Too perfect to be mine. The only time I know this is real life and that my eyes aren't closed and my unconscious thoughts aren't ruling is when my heart tears in two at the thought of him walking away because I can't seem to accept his love and give him all my trust. "Well?" He murmurs.

Shit. How long have I been staring at him all doe-eyed and shit. "Well, nothing. I don't want to have to tell you things, Harry. I want you to know. I know when you're uncomfortable or in pain. Why is it that my feelings are so invalid?" Good one, girl.

"What the hell? Your feelings aren't invalid and you know it! You're so damn difficult to read. Always manipulating me with those eyes and that inability to understand that I need signals! I need you to tell me when things aren't working. I am not a mind reader. I don't have your skills! I am only one person. I'm pulled in twenty different directions." My heart broke for him. "This is it isn't it?" I gasped. The line. The line from every sad novel. Every sad movie. This was it. He was leaving. No. I was leaving. Everything lead to this moment. The stereotypical fight we swore we'd never have.

"This was your plan, to make me so angry that the only option is to leave?" No. It isn't. Don't leave me. "You just want me to walk out that damn door and never see you again?" All I want is you. "I can find someone else. Women are always looking for an incredible man like me." Don't walk away from me. I need you. "I would've given you the world." No, don't put your stuff away. Stop packing. "Damnit. Say something. Don't let me go." I'm so sorry, H. My feet are planted. My lips are sealed.

*

He walked out the door that night. I haven't seen him since. He had his friend Jayce come by six days later to get the rest of his things. Jayce couldn't even look at me.
I tried to call him twice. I left a message the first time, the second the voicemail box was no longer set up to leave messages. I am walking to the old park we used to go to. I come once a week. Hoping, begging, him to show up. Somehow, I dream we are still in sync. Still able to feel the others whereabouts. I understand I don't have the rights to this anymore. I let Harry go because I was unable to understand that this world is filled with Y/N's, women who deserved to be loved and treated with passion and desire and pure happiness. I pitied myself instead of coming to terms with the fact that for some stupid reason, I was given the greatest man to ever grace this filthy, cruel world. I kicked a single stone the whole way here, confused and dazed. I am unsure how long it's been. I know the leaves have changed, when he left they were green and attached to the trees. I go to sit on our bench, a man is sitting there. Skinny, but built. Tall, lengthy. He seems kind. His hair is hidden by a beanie, his eyes are hidden by a pair of sunglasses. His features are familiar, but every man I pass is Harry.

"Excuse me, do you mind if I sit here?" His body tenses up.  What have I done?
He looks up at me, his glasses pulled down to look at me. I would recognize those eyes anywhere. In a crowded room. In a dark alley. On a different planet. I could tell his face even if the world was ending. I would always find my way back to Harry.

"I've tried to call you." I whisper.

"I know." He replies.

I stand silently. Looking at his sunken face. I really did ruin him. I know the best thing for him is to walk away. Let him learn to heal without me, but the selfishness I seem to be unable to part with wins my internal battle and I sit a distance away on the small bench.

"I heard your message. I listened to it for weeks." I nod. "I couldn't hear your voice anymore. It hurt too much. That's why I turned my voicemail off. I'm sorry." He stands and begins to walk away, for once my brain speaks before I have a chance to shut it off.

"Please don't leave." I mutter. His body responds to me as it always has, he walks to me, sits again.

"Do you regret it?" I beg.

"What?"

"I don't know." My voice shakes. "Everything." He is so quiet. This pause is so furiously long. My cheeks flush with heat, confusion, embarrassment. My mouth parts, I need to tell him to forget it. Goodbye.

"Just because we didn't work out, doesn't mean you weren't the best thing that ever happened to me. Because you were."

"Yeah." I shake. "You too." My eyes glisten with tears.

"Jayce told me that the cells in our bodies are destroyed and replaced every seven years." I look to him in confusion. My tears running down my cheeks. He palms one away. His ring covered thumb swiping the endless canal of water. "How comforting is it to know one day we will both have a body the other has never touched."