Harry Styles Imagines

This Ain't Love.

You ain't the one, this ain't forever, I'd know if it was.

"I don't know what love is. I'm not sure what it means either. I don't know what it means when my heart leaps at the mention of your name. I don't know why my heart shatters when I see you with other people. I don't get why my body aches when you haven't touched me or when you're so close, but I feel like you're six hundred miles away." I am pouring my heart out to Harry. I promised myself I wouldn't do this. I promised I wouldn't allow myself to break in front of him. He was supposed to come pick up the last of his things and leave, but I had to ruin it by crying at the sight of his closet being empty.

"I don't know what you want me to do. I won't stay here." His voice is so heartless. I can't decide whether to slap him for leaving me or beg him to get out so I can avoid allowing him to get under my skin.

"I don't want anything from you. Just leave." He stands his ground. My tears continue to roll down my splotched face. I don't want to be this way. I don't want to be weak. "Please." I manage to choke out. He falters with his movements, his hand goes to reach for my face, but I back away. "Harry, if you have one decent bone left in your body, you will leave." I am sobbing at this point. My body jerks with each choked out noise that leaves my mouth.

"I don't want to leave." He whispers. He's dangerously close to me. Too close for my own good. "I need to help you. We need each other."

"What I need is for you to leave. This hurts me too much. Seeing you hurts. It hurts, Harry. My heart is aching as we speak." God, I am so pathetic. "My body can't handle this anymore. I don't eat, I don't sleep, I don't even laugh anymore!" His eyebrows furrow and his eyes glaze over. I wonder if those are tears or just darkness taking over his already soulless face. "So, please I am begging you, leave. You said it yourself, you won't stay here. Go. I don't want you anymore." His face falters, and it's only for a second, but I see pain course through his eyes. I just hit a nerve.

"Fuck you." He whispers. My heart is pounding out of my chest at his confession. "God, you're so selfish. For once, start thinking about other people and their feelings instead of your own!" His hands flail aimlessly around the room, making a point toward me. "I can't believe I ever loved you. You're so hateful. You gave up just like that! It's disgusting how quickly you gave up on me!" He unknowingly stepped closer to me. His breath puffing out in large gasps toward my already reddened face. "I fought and I fought and I fought for you, for us and you're just going to throw it away."

"You just told me you can't stay here, you won't stay here. So, do not sit here and accuse me of being disgusting and selfish and hateful when you're being hypocritical, confusing and manipulative!" My breathing is ragged, I swear I may combust. "You're selfish. I wanted you. I needed you and you chose to leave. You made this decision. 'I'm too tired to deal with this shit. You're so annoying. You're making something out of nothing.'" My hands raise in quotations, quoting his own words throughout the past few months, trying to justify his behavior and dimming my worries. "You went off to God-knows-where with God-knows-who and called it work! So, please enlighten me, Harry. Help me understand how I am selfish and hateful and disgusting when all you've done since 2011 is leave me to fend for myself!" I'm screaming. I hope our neighbors don't fear for the worst. My hands are shaking. My heart is pounding. My eyes are wild. I can't help but wish I was strong enough to hold back my tears, but they doubtfully slip from my lids.

"I was working! I went to parties and exes were there, so fucking what?" His hands are wild too, flailing to and fro, God, we look so crazy. "It's not my fault you're insecure and can't trust me!" His eyes lose their craze. His hands stop moving. His body stiffens in a way only someone who is guilty's would.

"Insecure? Insecure? Try in love! Try terrified of losing you! What happened to 'it is me and you forever; till' the end'?" I quote the vow he gave me when he handed me the promise ring on our five year anniversary. The promise ring I threw away weeks ago. "You're pathetic. Throwing my weaknesses in my face to broaden your stance; did it make you feel better? Did it make you feel powerful?" I step impossibly closer to his tall frame; he dwarfs my already tiny body. "God, you're something else. I am always your punching bag aren't I? Always the idiot who stays while you plunge the knife deeper and deeper." I place my finger to his chest, where his heart should be. "What happened to this? Why is it all of a sudden gone?" He grimaces at my touch. "What happened to you?" I look up into his brilliant green eyes flashed with worry and pain and sorrow.

"I lost you." He whimpers. "That's what happened to me." His tearful eyes look deeper into mine. And for a split second, I debate forgiving him. I debate holding him and kissing away all his pain, but it's too late for apologies. It's too late for tears and guilt. He made his decision weeks ago.

"You're right. You did lose me." The small sliver of hope his eyes held diminishes. My heart shatters even more the second the green in his irises turns black.

"So this is goodbye?" His voice is soft, hurt, lost, but his eyes are dark, twisted, horrific.

I nod, unable to form a sentence without breaking into a muster of sobs. "I'm so sorry." I whisper. He takes my hands ever so delicately. And for the second time tonight, I crumble in his presence. My tears escape my swollen eyes and he tries to wipe my tears as fast as they fall.

"Are you sure?" He chokes out.

I look into his brilliant green eyes. I don't want to do this. I want to fight for this. I want to love him until I die.

"You remember how you told me I needed to grow up and learn to stand on my own?" His eyes lose their shine even more.

"I didn't mean that." He states.

"Part of growing up is picking and choosing your battles." My lip quivers and my hands reach for his cheeks. "And you just aren't one that I want to fight anymore." I choke on my tears. He pulls away from my touch. He grabs his bag and walks to the door, but I can hear a low groan and a cry.

"I really did ruin you didn't I?" He says before reaching for the handle.

I cry and walk to the stairs. "I didn't stop you, so I guess we are both at fault." His body continues to shake with cries as he leaves the apartment. I hear him mutter "I love you" before the door shuts.