What We Leave Behind

PROLOGUE: Ephemeral

"There are moments... Moments that in a split second, your life changes forever, and before you know it... you're somewhere else."
Derek Sheperd, Grey's Anatomy

I glanced at the digital clock on the small table beside our bed, red 6:04 is flashed on its screen. Normally, I'd wake up around this time. I am awake. I am awake. I am awake. I repeatedly said inside my head, trying to convince myself that today is going to be just another amazing, normal day. I felt my heart constricted inside my chest, and that's when I knew that no amount of pretending can change the fact that today is not going to be a normal day. Today, I will abandon him.

I placed my hand on his arm wrapped around my waist and caressed it softly.

I gently turned on my side to face him. I settled my eyes on his face, examining and memorizing every feature. He looked so serene. Looking at him is like staring at a sunset after a long tiring day... his light slowly melting away all the doubt and worries and despondency in my soul, and somewhat somehow, everything felt better. I wish I could look at him for the rest of my life, but sunsets usually last for an hour or two, and after that, darkness looms over, until indifference slowly seeps through your bones.

Waking up beside him is one of the best gifts I receive everyday... a gift that I will no longer be entitled to the moment I leave his side.

I buried my face on his firm chest and listened to his heartbeat while slowly drawing in his warmth and scent. I stayed there for a while before gently removing his hand on my waist. I forced my self to stand up and walk away.

He's asleep. Now is the right time to leave.

I turned to the closet and grabbed my duffel bag. I was about to put it on the floor and fill it with my clothes, but something stopped me from doing so. I tossed the duffel bag back to where it was before.

I scurried towards our bed. I momentarily stared at him before I bend towards him, planting a soft kiss on his lips. I was about to break the kiss, when suddenly, I felt his hand on my arm, pulling me towards him. I landed on top of him.

He grinned, his eyes still closed. "Minamanyak mo na ako, Mrs. Demonteverde?"

Naramdaman kong nag-init ang buong mukha ko.

He slowly opened his eyes and gazed at me. "Oh, why are you blushing? We're married for two years now and this still gets to you?"

"Not that," I answered. "It's just... You're hard."

He chuckled sexily. "Mrs. Demonteverde, you're on top of me, and it is giving me a lot of ideas."

Hinampas ko siya sa dibdib. "Tumigil ka, Mr. Demonteverde. Baka nakakalimutan mo, hindi mo ako tinantanan kagabi. Nananakit na nga ang kasu-kasuan ko sa'yo sa pagka-malibog mong lalaki ka."

"Sa'yo lang naman eh, Mrs. Demonteverde," he teased playfully, then winked at me.

Hinampas ko ulit siya sa dibdib. "And landi landi mo."

Nagtangka akong tumayo, pero bahagya niyang hinigpitan ang hawak niya sa braso ko.

"Where's my morning Kiss?" he asked, pouting his lips.

I shook my head before planting a kiss on his lips. "Bababa muna ako ha? Magluluto lang ako ng agahan."

I tried to get up again, and this time, he let me go.

"I'll shower," he replied.

I can feel the weight in my chest dragging me down, slowing every movement I make. I used to hold my self together for a long time back then, so I thought that doing so today would be easier. But it's not. My heart feels like it is tearing apart... it is harder to breathe... The tears I try so hard to hold inside is burning in the corner of my eyes. It feels like any moment from now, I will fall apart.