Under My Skin

Part Twenty Seven

She shook her head before reaching for the bedside lamp, illuminating the room, “What happened to ‘Wow! You’re home Iz? How are you feeling?” She brought her face up to his and snarled, “how is our son?” The pain and anger were so hard to restrain now that he was there beside her.

Hanging his head, he sighed, “I’m doing my best!”

“Well that clearly isn’t good enough. Marc this family needs you, and running away isn’t going to change that!” And she was right; they all needed him on SO many levels. 

Pulling himself to sitting he mumbled without meeting her eyes, “I’m gonna sleep next door.”

As he stood from the bed, she slid out herself and limped around to him, the fuzziness of sleep had disappeared a while ago. “NO! We talk Banfield, NOW!”

Shaking his head he backed away from her, “I can’t do this Iz; I can’t get my head around things.”

“You love me less? Because of what happened?”

He shook his head, “what he did...what you went through...” He turned to stare at the window. 

But Isobel was having none of it; she grabbed his shoulders and made him look at her, “you mean you can’t get over your male pride? Is that what we’re saying here? Because that’s what this is. Pride. You are the most generous loving man I know, and you are rejecting me and our FOUR children because you can’t get over that fact that another man touched me. Do you hear how ridiculous that sounds?” Her face was animated pushed in front of his, she wouldn’t let him back down, “I could’ve died this week Marc, and every moment I was there with him, I was thinking of all the things I would sort out when or if I got free. I’m never going to leave things undone, I want to appreciate every moment of life, I want transparency in everything I do, no lies, no hiding, no secrets. Yet us? We’re failing at the first hurdle Marc, it was all for nothing!”

“No it wasn’t,” he reached for her, then groaned as she flinched, his hands pressurising her bandages. “See? I can’t even touch you!”

“Bullshit!” she shouted, “so it hurt a bit, you move your hand an inch lower and it’s ok...but you’d rather give up, run away! Can’t you see this is you hiding? Can’t you see that you are making everything harder? I can’t believe you!”

His teeth were gritted as he finally met her eyes, but she smiled inside at the passion that had returned to his eyes, she’d prodded and poked him, forced him to confront this, and he was, THAT was what she wanted, “this isn’t about pride, or him touching you...though I’d kill him for it if he wasn’t already dead. It’s more about the fact that I didn’t, and couldn’t protect you! I promised you if you told your story that it’d all be ok; I made you tell my mother, my sister. All the while I said that I’d never let him touch you, and I thought I was enough. But I wasn’t, he got you, and I couldn’t do a thing about it! Do you have any idea how it’s been to be me, knowing that he was hurting you, knowing it was my fault, and knowing that I could do NOTHING about it?” he hung his head and she knew he was crying. Eventually he flicked up his head and looked at her through his tears, “I failed Isobel! I failed you and I don’t know how you can bear to even look at me!”

Isobel felt the air whoosh out of her like a deflated balloon; she could see he was genuine. He wasn’t avoiding her because of pride or anything that happened, he honestly thought that she wouldn’t want to see him, that she’d blame and resent him for the actions of a mad man.

“Marc, Marc!” she tried to bring him back to her, “I love you, don’t you understand that? I could never blame you or think you didn’t do right by me!”

His head was lowered and he was still leaving the room, so she shouted at him, “if you walk away Marc, this is over. Do you hear me? I’m fed up with this. We all NEED you; we always NEED you, all of us. Sophie has NO ONE else, neither does Lucas, Taylor will never have a father that isn’t you, and our baby hasn’t even got a name because you won’t discuss him with me! He’s fighting to survive, to grow...Marc I’m hormonal and unstable! If you don’t come over here and tell me that we are all you’ve ever wanted as a family, you can stay away forever, do you hear me? You are the biggest pain in the arse I’ve ever met! And I WILL call our son Jemima, JUST to piss you off.” 

When he turned to face her he was trying to hide the smile creeping on to his face.

“You had better not be laughing at me Marc Banfield!” But to Isobel it was everything, he’d changed, he’d finally believed her. That was all that mattered. 

“You’d give our son a girl’s name just to get back at me?” 

She gave a shrug and lifted her nose in the air.

He was laughing by the time he reached her and pulled her into his arms, “Isobel, you are the craziest person I have ever met.”

She nodded, “only since I met you that is that true! You drive me mad.”

He smiled at her, his face still wet from tears, “in a good way?”

Reaching up to kiss his nose she smiled, “life is hard Marc, but you can’t control EVERYTHING!”

He nodded knowingly, “I was so frustrated...”

“But every moment that we argue, that we all spend apart, is time that he wins, that he gets what he wants. Again! It was my determination that he wasn’t going to make me hide again, wasn’t going to shape my life again that made me tell everyone what happened. We need to forget him, be happier than ever...”

“And name our son?”

She beamed, “you can suggest a few names and see if you match what I want to call him!”

When he stopped laughing out loud, he kissed her nose, “firstly, it will, NOT be Jemima, or any other girl’s name, and secondly, I am so glad that we had a little boy, I sense that me and Lucas are going to need some solidarity against all you controlling women!”