Sanders Sides- Virgil

I Dream Of A World

I sit at the dining room table, just staring at my food. Everyone else is chowing down theirs, smiling and laughing and having a good time, while I just sit here, moping. I don't know why I feel so shitty. Today was just not a good day. First, I cut myself. Second, Princey makes me spend the WHOLE DAY with him, Patton, and Logan. They made me go to a stupid fucking beach where I sweated the whole entire day. I even passed out from the heat. That was not good. And now here I am, just wanting to die.

"Virgil?"

I look up at Roman to see a concerned look on his face. "What?" I ask, slightly annoyed.

"Why aren't you eating your pasta?"

I shrug. "I don't have an appetite." Which is the truth. I don't. I'm not technically lying here.

"Well, kiddo, maybe you should try to eat something!" Patton chimes in.

I put my hood on and scootch down in my chair, curling up within myself and wanting the attention to get off of me already. "I don't feel very energetic or hungry." I rub my eyes to add an effect. "I just feel kinda...tired."

Patton smiles and says brightly, "Well, eat your dinner, and then go to bed!"

"Yes, I agree with Patton," Logan states. "That would be the most efficient way to gain more energy, Virgil."

"Yeah, it would be," Roman says in uncertainty.

I get up and push in my chair. "Thanks guys, but I'm heading straight to bed. So goodnight, I guess." As I walk away, I hear Logan say something but I don't catch it.

I walk up the stairs and slam my door, sitting on my bed and turning up My Chemical Romance on my phone in my headphones as loud as I can. I'm kind of tired of just talking to everyone today. I can only take so much social events. You think they would know that by now, but I guess not.

"The End" blares throughout my headphones, filling my senses with Gerard Ways' beautiful, melodic voice. It's awesome that Roman is starting to love MCR too. My goal is to make him at least half emo as long as he'll stop wearing so much fucking white. God, sometimes it blinds me mad kills my eyesight for a few seconds. He's like the sun because he's beautiful but no one wants to look directly at him.

I take off my earbuds right as Roman opens my door, a look of anger, concern, and, well, anger, on his face. He slams the door and I start to feel afraid. Did I do something wrong? Did he find out about the cuts? Is he mad at me? Is he going to breakup with me again? Does he hate me? Oh god, he must hate me. Oh my fucking God-

He sits next to me and asks me, "Do you mind telling me what's wrong?" I open my mouth to speak but he interrupts me. "And don't say that nothing is wrong because I can see right through your act. So, let's not waste any time, and you can just tell me what's bothering you."

Yup, I'm not tearing down my walls. I'm not in the mood for this shit. If he finds out about the cuts, then oh, so well. I don't really give a fuck at this point. Though, he will be really pissed off later, but that's not something to worry about now. That can wait.

I look up at him and say as truthfully as I can, "There's nothing wrong with me. Honestly." I shrug. "I'm just really tired, I guess. You know?" I look up at him, forcing to put on that stupid ass mask again. Also known as my savior to make utter bullshit come across as the truth.

Roman leans down and kisses me, pushing my back on the bed, his hands curling with mine. Why the fuck is he kissing me? I'm so confused right now. But I don't reject the kiss. I kiss back, letting my eyes flutter closed. Maybe he's just trying to comfort me...? I don't know. I've always been bad at guessing games.

Then all of a sudden his hands travel to the zipper of my sweatshirt. Then realization hits me.

He's trying to see if I cut myself.

I try to push him off of me. I stop kissing him and try to get my hands out from under his by kicking and pulling away over and over again, but it's no use. His grip is strong while I'm just a pathetic little weakling. Must be nice to be hot and strong.

"Roman!" I yell. "Get off of me!"

"Not until you tell me the truth!" He retaliates.

Oh my fucking God, sometimes I hate him so goddamn much. "Roman, I'm serious! Get off of me! And I did tell you the truth!" I know, I hate lying to him, but it's for his own good. He already has enough baggage. Don't want to add more.

Finally, with all of my strength, I push him off of me, watching him fall on his back on the floor. Do I feel bad? Yes. Will I ever admit it and/or apologize?" No. I'm like Meghan from Drake And Josh.

Roman sits up and says in annoyance, "Stop lying to me!"

A spot on a floor suddenly becomes very interesting. "I'm not lying to you." I look back at him, using all of my mental energy to create the best mask I can. Does it work? I hope it does or else I'll be fucked.

Roman stands up and says in agitation, "Then why do I still have this gut feeling that you're lying to me?"

I shrug. "Maybe you're gut feeling is wrong. Ever think of that?"

He narrows his eyes at me. "Or maybe you're lying to me."

"No I'm not. Okay? I promise."

And then he walks out, leaving me to die inside...

But it's what I wanted.