Social media: Joe Sugg

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I was actually knackered and needed sleep. I looked to Joe then to the mirror I can't believe that only a few hours ago I actually looked presentable and now my makeup was smudged with sweat and my hair look like I hadn't bothered brushing it at all today.

But I couldn't go to bed because I had so much to think about and so much to do. Tomorrow will be the first day of tour I had to get clothes ready for an early start and actually mentally prepare myself too.

But I had a bigger problem Joe tried kissing me today and I moved away from him. I pretend like I didn't want him to kiss me I didn't want to admit to myself I needed him to kiss me. I would have let him to if it wasn't for "stranger" messaging me right at that minute.

If every meme org of his perfect face didn't flush my mind I think I might have kissed Joe Sugg at the beach of LA. And now I might have officially ruined everything between us he won't look at me or talk to me now matter how hard I try. But I'm glad he won't talk to me because even if he did I couldn't explain myself to him how could I?

I dragged my thoughts and myself to the shower and tried drowning my mind with the running water but now matter how far u tried to push the thought and the memory a at it come back stronger and I felt weaker.

We moved around the hotel silently I hadn't texted "stranger" back yet and sat myself down on the sofa switching on the tv that sat infront of it. I sighed into my coffee cup Joe had taken the shower just after me.  I picked up my phone scrolled through some fan stuff and come across his updated profile.

The photo I took of him earlier burned the screen i held we where so happy and I wanted to be happy with him. I read the caption and tears came to my eyes Joe was such an amazing person and my best friend I vowed I wouldn't hurt him and now I had.

I heard the click of the bathroom door and chucked my phone under a pillow and rubbed my eyes. "Joe?" I needed to talk to him and maybe try explaining myself to him. "Don't worry Emma it wasn't you it was me. I don't blame you or even hate you where good."

I tried calling him back after he left but I had nothing to say to him I couldn't say sorry because I knew it would mean nothing to him. He needed something from me that I wasn't sure I could give him.