Don't Let Me Go...~ A Zayn fanfiction

Chapter 20 - A new me, a new beginning...

Dear IPhone,

Yes, I still do this. Well hello again old friend, it's been a while. I've just been so busy and caught up with life that I've just had no time at all. Sigh, where do I start? There's just so much I want to say, so much I don't, so much I'd rather keep in the past, and there's so much I want to look back on and remember. But I'm past most things now. Over the past few years, I've learned quite a lot. I've learned that trust is something that is extremely important to have, and to know that I can trust my friends and my family right away is something that I'm so very grateful for. Another thing I've learned a lot about is; life. A while ago, I had a entirely different mindset about life, you of all things would know that for sure. I used to hate it, I used to detest everything about life and everything about it irritated me. I had no sort of happiness and I had no wish to fall in love with life. But the truth was, living with the idea in my head that life was so horrible made me believe it actually was, when really my life even at that time was perfect. I had friends that some people could only dream to have. I had a family who were broken and damaged, but it took some work and we became happy again. That's another thing; I've learned to be happy. I've learned how to smile when that was really a rare thing for me. And it all happened thanks to one angel in my life who I'll never ever forget. He changed me and I'll never forget everything that he's done for me. It's been a year since everything happened. I've moved to New York, and I've pursued a career in dance. My dream. I don't think about Troy anymore, I don't give him that importance anymore, to let him haunt me every time I step on the stage. He doesn't affect me anymore. I've learned to remove him from my memory and I hope he's suffering somewhere. I still speak to my mother and Daniel who are still back home in London. Daniel's finally found a girl and he's even engaged. It kills me every day that he  got engaged before his big sister, but I'm still happy for him. He's really changed the most out of everyone over the year. And my mother couldn't be happier. She finally started going back to work, and she as well has found someone that keeps her happy. And that's all I really want. Harry and Niall are still friends with each other and with me. We speak every day and of course, if I'm the one that forgets to call, protective Harry will be on my back making sure I'm okay. And my laid back Niall still lives life enjoying every moment just as before. They both joined some sort of band together which didn't end up working out, and I can't say I'm surprised.  Now they're auditioning for the X Factor, let's hope it all works out. But they both have found people in their lives who they love very much as well. It sucks to know that really I'm the only one out of us all that doesn't have anyone...anymore. Because I once did. I don't like to think much about it, but at the same time I do. Sometimes I lose touch with reality and forget the fact that what happened, has actually happened. But of course, when it happened there were many thoughts in my head. Of course at the time I was back to the beginning, back to rock bottom, hating life and hating my fate. There was something I actually wrote down when it all happened, but I never put it anywhere. Although, I'll copy and paste it now just to see what I was like then. 

June 2013

I'm crushed. I'm broken. There's no point of me living anymore. I felt this same feeling before. That was because I experienced death way too many times. It was official. I wasn't allowed and I didn't want to love anymore. I would never fall in love again. He was gone, Zayn was really gone and I would never have him back in my life again. He died right in my arms and that's it. I hate this world and I hate crying I hate what keeps happening to me and I just hate everyone. Zayn came in my life when I had no one and taught me to love everything and everyone around me. He showed me an entirely different outlook on life and now he's gone. So what's the point of all that anyways? But wait. I can't do this. Zayn always taught me to live life happily, he showed me the way I should be living...I can't just stop now because he's gone. In fact, because he's gone, I should show him that I'm still happy. That I know he's always here with me and always watching. That I haven't just ignored and thrown everything away that he's taught me. No, I'm not going back to the old Annie, I'm staying the Annie I am now; the one Zayn showed me how to become.