Fighting First Love

Losing the fight

Expressing my thanks once again, I fled to the living room and out the front door as the tears made their way to my lower lids.

“Lylah wait!” Blayne shouted behind me, causing me to stop half way to my car as I stood rigid with my back to him. “Babe, why are you leaving?”

Could he really be that dumb, to not have picked up on the tension and hurt coming off of me in waves as I entered that room? Steeling myself to face the boy I loved more than anything in this world, I turned around. “How can you not see that everything you’ve been doing lately has been tearing me up inside?”

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“I’m talking about Becca. You’ve been so different ever since she arrived and I’ve been trying my best to not be that clingy girlfriend who’s always suspicious of her boyfriend because I was confident in your love for me, but after tonight I’m not so sure anymore.”

“Is this because she came over for dinner? You knew I had invited her the other day and I didn’t say anything to you because you’re usually only able to make it on the weekends.” he tried to explain.

How convenient, he remembers that little fact when he can use it to defend himself.

“It’s not only tonight, Blayne. You’ve been growing more and more distant, I feel like I’m losing you. And tonight, when you looked at Becca with an apology in your eyes, that just about killed me. Shouldn’t that look have been directed at me? Shouldn’t you have been apologizing to me for not letting me know what was happening, regardless if I was included in it or not? Don’t I deserve that much from you.” I got out as the tears fell from my eyes, my lids no longer able to contain them.

He hung his head as if ashamed, before running his hands through his hair frustrated. Then he closed the distance between us, embracing me as he whispered in my ear, “I’m sorry, babe. I wasn’t thinking.” I started to let myself relax in the comfort of his arms, but his next words had me tensing all over again. “I’ve just been so confused lately.”

Feeling the tightness in the muscles of my back, he began to rub me up and down, but instead of giving me the comfort that action was supposed to, each stroke felt like a scratch to my skin as the realization of his words sunk in. Stepping away from his embrace, I looked into his eyes and asked, “Confused about what, exactly?”

Only then realizing the mistake of his words he tried to back track, “Nothing really, the usual, school, baseball, you know.”

I wasn’t buying it. “Don’t lie to me Blayne. What are you confused about? Us? Our relationship? Or is it something else, or more specifically, someone, like Becca?”

I didn’t miss the guilty look on his face as I said her name, and as much as my heart protested my next question, I knew for my peace of mind it needed to be asked, “Di-did you cheat on me with her?”

My question had his head snapping up as he rushed towards me, taking my arms in his hands as he looked directly into my eyes, “No, I would never do that to you. I love you, Lylah.”