Hearts Without Chains

38.

~It was probably nothing but it felt like the world~ Morrissey

Harry-

Parked across Joeys street, I wait for her to come back outside. She told me she would just run in and change so I didn't have to tag along for no reason, but I've convinced myself it's so her parents didn't have to see me even though Joey said otherwise when I'd asked. After ten minutes of waiting I light a cigarette and lightly flick the cross necklace on my mirror so it swings back and forth. I stare at it absentmindedly, dangling my arm out the window so the smoke from my cigarette blows outside.

When I lift my arm up and put the cigarette past my lips the passengers door opens and Joey slides in, my eyes tearing from my fathers necklace. I don't look at Joey, knowing she will see the look I have on my face. The kind of look where I'm not pissed off for any certain reason at all, but a lot. That I'm leaving her, that my father is dead, that my mother has cancer, that my sister is complete shit to me, and many more. I've been trying to push all those things to the back of my mind lately, and I used to do that with drinking and drugs before her. But now that I do have her, I find myself not doing those things anymore, and that allows all my darkest thoughts to seep into my mind at moments like I had minutes ago. Where I am alone, left to reflect on everything.

When I put my truck in drive and plant a clammy hand on my steering wheel, the other dangling out my window again, I feel Joeys eyes on me.

"Are you okay, Harry?" She asks me gently.

My short fingernails dig into the hard rubber of my steering wheel, indenting little crescent marks you can barely see there. I manage to look at her without letting myself break down like I feel like doing, and actually look into her eyes without letting a lump form in my throat. They are concerned. For me.

"Yeah, yeah." I tell her, doing my best to sound happy.

"Yeah." I repeat.

"Don't worry about me."

Her lips softly purse together, and she nods her head even though I know she is not convinced. Always too smart for her good, thinking too much for her good. So I take her hand in mine after putting out my cigarette to free my right hand from the steering wheel. And when I press my lips to the top of her hand, I feel that lump threaten to form in my throat as my mind reminds me that she won't be here with me in a matter of days.

I let myself look away from the road since there is no one in front of me at the moment, glancing down to see what she had changed into. She changed out of her tights and into tight skinny jeans, and I think the shirt she is wearing is the one I once held in a tightened fist when Tyler had handed it over to me, failing at controlling her at Brandon's house party, having to call me.

"Promise me you won't take that off, yeah?" I find myself cracking a joke, earning and blush from
Joey, confirming that yes, that is the same shirt.

"Yeah." She grumbles.

When I laugh she attempts to tear her hand out of mine, but I keep it there with my tight grip I have on her, fingers laced with hers in a way that doesn't allow her to pull out with ease.

"Do you think the party has even started yet?" Joey wonders aloud.

When she asks this, tiny sprinkles of rain hit my windshield, not even enough to have to turn on the wipers. It's in the low sixties at the moment, and I find that I like the weather here, that even in July we get random spurts of rain, even if it isn't a big one. Rain has begun to remind me of Joey, since we'd shared our first kiss practically drenched in it. Well, I don't know if I can call that our first kiss, since I was a complete bastard at one point and kissed her like a drunk asshole. When Joeys hand moves in mine, I am brought back to reality.