25 Hours

I tried to ignore the smirk on her face as she handed me the letter.  I avoided both the eyes of the man behind me and the receptionist as I started walking swiftly down the hall. The lights above me hummed with electricity as I walked down the empty corridor.

I could feel my stomach fill with butterflies as I got closer to where I would meet Tracy. I slowed down, hoping to get an extra minute before this nightmare would start. I reached the end of the hallway and peered into the smaller waiting room.

Rows chairs sat on an old carpet and posters promoting health and fitness lined the white walls. Along the other side there were three desks, one of which would belong to Tracy. I pushed my dark hair back nervously. I slowly walked forward, peeking at the names imprinted on the plaques that were sitting on the desks.

The first was a Lisa and the second was an Amanda. My heart clenched as I looked at the name on the third desk. Tracy Lee, Volunteer Coordinator. My head was still hanging low but I peeked up through my lashes to get a look at the lady.

The first thing I saw was the clutter surrounding her desk. Papers, pens, and other office supplies littered the area. I wondered how she was even able to work in that clutter. When I looked farther I was able to see the petite lady with wild dark curls. She was holding her glasses in her hand as she leaned forward and squinted at the computer screen.

I cleared my throat and tried to speak confidently although I know it couldn’t have come out as more than a whisper, “Excuse me.”

Her head whipped forward as she fell back into her chair. “Oh my.” She giggled slightly, seeming out of breath. She put her glasses back on her small nose and raised a hand to her chest. “You scared me, dear.”

She took a minute to compose herself before looking back at me with a big smile, “What can I do for you?”

I was shocked at her hospitality. You would think that when you saw a soaking, poor girl standing in front of you all you would do was scowl but here she was; smiling. “I’m here to volunteer.” The words came out of my mouth, slowly, and painfully.

“Oh!” Tracy clapped her hands together as her face lit up. “That is just great, the kids will love that. Were you already set up for volunteering, or….?”

She trailed off and I felt my throat close. This is where it all ends. The nice looks and kind words all end here. “Uhhh, yeah I think I was already set up, I’m Cassandra Waits.”

Her eyebrows furrowed and she ran a hand through her hair as she clicked around on her computer. The three seconds before she found my name seemed incredibly long. She looked back up at me with a smile still on her face and my heart sunk.

They didn’t schedule me in. I tried not to let the anger coarse through my veins, but I couldn’t help it; I walked three miles in the rain just to get here so I could play with some kids and now it wasn’t even going to happen. I didn’t even want to be here! There was no way that I wanted to sit down and comfort some rich kids who happen to get sick.

Along with my anger came guilt. I should not be feeling this and I know it, but I also couldn’t help it. If I would have gotten some sort of cancer I doubt I would have even known about it. It’s not like my mother would ever have taken me to the hospital. Hell, I doubt she would have even noticed I was sick through her drug induced state.

I took a deep breath and squared my shoulders, ready to mumble thanks to Tracy before having to walk back to the dingy apartment where I came from. I could only hope it wasn’t raining again.

“I’m really glad you came.” Tracy’s soft voice startled me and dispelled my anger, if only for a short while. “Most people in your situation wouldn’t have even bothered to show up. We have had plenty of other people here for community service before and let me tell you, it’s rare we get someone to show up, and on time like you did.”

My mouth popped open. She knew I was here for community service and yet she was still here and she was still smiling. “Yeah,” I said softly in a daze.

She was being nice to me.

That never happened, not when people found out I had been in trouble with the law. I was used to getting glares and hearing whispers, but I wasn’t used to this smile.

“Well, let me tell you what is happening.” She smiled again, and I was sure my face was a mask of pure shock. My own mother didn’t even bother smiling at me like that.

She clicked around on her computer for another minute, looking tense when she didn’t find what she was looking for right away. You could see her visibly relax as she opened up a document.  “So you are coming five different times for five hours each time, correct?” She paused and glanced at me from the corner of her eye.

It was all I could do to nod.

“Great, I have you scheduled for today, tomorrow, Friday, and the following, Monday and Tuesday. Each one of those times will be from one to six in the afternoon.”

My body was still trying to catch up with what was happening. My brain felt like it was still walking out of the hospital. I was grateful I had the dates and times for when I was coming again written down. Everything she was saying was going straight through one ear and out the other. My brain had shut down and I was falling deeply and quickly into a stupor.

I blinked my eyes, pushed my hair back again, and forced myself to focus on what she was saying.

“Today you are visiting five different children for one hour each. I have the list right here, so let me just print it out.” She swerved in her chair and waited impatiently by the printer as the sheet slowly came out.

“Alright.” She grabbed the paper out of the printer and handed it to me, “Here is the list of all the kids you are seeing today and their rooms.”

I reached a hand out and grabbed the paper out of her hands. My eyes quickly scanned the names. Emma Reel 305, Jackson Tough 331, Mike Mcculley 265, Rachel Bode 401, and Joseph Hart 561. Each name represented a little child who would be lying in a hospital bed right now, and yet I couldn’t feel any sympathy for any of these kids.

But I did feel envy.