“its me, its Cheryl!” I realise it was just a dream, I don’t think I’ve ever felt more relived in all my life. Seeing him yesterday really has had an effect on me. It’s like I’m being flung back into my past “baby, are you okay?” Cheryl asks with a look of concern on her face.
“I … it was just a dream” I mumble finding the energy in me to sit up in bed. She pulls me against her and I immediately feel safer than I ever have. Her arms are like the safest place on earth, I feel like if I’m in her hold nothing or noone can ever hurt me.
“Shh, it’s okay” She hushes me rocking me side to side as I would do to Paisley. “That sounded more like a nightmare then a dream” She pushes back my hair and kisses my forehead while tightening her arms around me. I stay silent I just let her hold me, I allow myself to enjoy reality. “He can’t get you now, I won’t let him”
I look up at her and her eyes are full of tears if she was to blink once more time I’m almost positive tears would slip over her eyelashes and down her face. “I’m sorry” I whisper and she looks at me in confusion.
“Sorry for what?! “
“Everything”
She holds me at arm’s length and she holds one cheek in her hand. “You have nothing to be sorry for”
“Bu-“
“Shh” She presses her thumb to my lips and she has the saddest look on her face ever. Her eyebrows are furrowed and she’s fighting the urge to cry, I can tell. “I hate seeing you like this”
“I’m fine” I reply taking her hand in mine and smiling at her. Is it a genuine smile? No but I just want her to feel a bit better. Of course I’m not fine and she knows it but I’m just hoping she’s going to pretend to believe me. How could I be fine when I’m worried to death about losing my daughter? After spending hour after hour on the laptop I found out her father does have rights to her, just as much as me despite not being in her life at all these past few years. He’s forgetting I know him, how can I trust a man like him with my daughter? “I’m fine” I repeat in a softer voice and just like she has just done to me I give her a cuddle, she kisses my cheek and her nails draw circles on my back over the thin material of the top I’m wearing. “We should get some sleep” I say although I’m certain I won’t be getting any. She shuffles back down in bed and pulls me onto her arm so she can bend it and start stroking my hair comfortingly.
“I’m going to do whatever I can to protect you” She whispers. “The both of you”
“I know” I smile looking up to her.
“I mean it; you’re both going to be fine”
“You have rehearsals in the morning; We can’t have you turning up late can we?”
“I’m not going”
“Chez, yes you are”
“I’m not. “She insists.
“You can’t pull another sickie, I’m fine on my own I’m a big girl aren’t i?”
“That’s not the point, if he comes back I don’t want him barging into the house again and putting you in danger, I wouldn’t forgive meself if something happened to you”
“Nothing’s going to happen”
Bu-“
“If you don’t go you can sleep in the spare room all week” I joke but she doesn’t laugh.
“I just worry about you”
“Well don’t, I’ll tell you what. If he does come back I’ll just not answer”
Chapter 47
Start from the beginning
