All That I Am

Space... and Time

Michael's POV

"I can't believe you...." I stand up. The lump in my throat forming, forces it's way up as I dryly swallow it back down. My heart practically pounding out my chest, I'm in so much pain. A pain I've never felt in my life, tugging at my emotions. She hasn't said a word to me and I'm a complete wreck on the inside.

She sits there quietly, her eyes still fogging but not one tear drops. "RAYNE!" I yell, startling her, my breathing heavy from holding back my own tears. "When." I ask calmly.

"Michael.... I'm so sorry." She whimpers. She reaches for my hand before I snatched it away.

"Please just tell me when." I mutter, my voice cracking.

"Why does it matter....I'm sorry.." she cries.

I roll my eyes, "why would you do this to me?" I say, wiping a tear from my eye with the back of my hand. "Why would you wait... ALL these years to do this to me?"

"Michael, I didn't mean for it to happen! I thought he and I were getting to the point where we could work together and get things done... he kissed me while we were painting and... things just escalated from there. I- I couldn't stop it... I wanted to but I couldn't."

"You could have, you just didn't because you wanted him this whole time! You think I don't see it? The secret texting, coming home late sometimes energized and happy.... I trusted you Rayne! I trusted you... and you broke my heart." I drop to my knees, burrowing my face in my hands, sobbing loudly.

"Please don't cry Michael." She sobs leaning towards me before I nudge her away. I grab a pillow and blanket tip toeing downstairs without another word.

"Michael please...." she cries out once more.

Rayne's POV

I didn't even want to get out of bed the next morning. My eyes were heavy from the constant stream of tears and lack of sleep last night. I buried my face into the mountain of pillows Michael and I kept in our bed. Letting out a heavy sigh once more, I curl into a ball and cry again. The one thing I could've done to ruin this marriage, I did. I was so mad at myself for allowing things the way they happened as I think back on that day.

Andre and I were having a conversation about our different relationships, I continued to paint as he told me his story.

"...then the girl told her dad about the car, he never let her get in a car with me again." He laughs

I giggle, "he probably thought you were a smooth talker! All you needed was a car and that was the key! My dad was the same way with me."

"I'm not a Smooth talker.. I just say how I feel..." he says eyeing me.

"And there's nothing wrong with that. I'm sure you'll find the one soon Andre." I smile.

"I really feel like it should've been you." He smirks, "it's funny how life turns out. I had a serious crush on you in high school, and here we are as adults and you can barely look at me because I tempt you."

"What?" I laugh.

"Am I lying?" He says moving closer, my body jumping inwardly. His eyes stared into mine with an intent to strike, his glare causing my heart to pound harder than ever, he licks his lips before pushing them onto mine and wrapping is hands around my waist.

"Andre. We can't.." I mumble between kisses. I couldn't resist him, I wanted him to take all of me. My knees buckled weakly, allowing us to get comfortable on the open floor with my legs wrapped around his body...

I beat my pillow once more, yelling into it loudly. I hear plates clatter in the kitchen before going downstairs to see Michael washing breakfast dishes from the kids that morning. I look at the table to see a familiar stack of papers neatly placed on the corner. Michael's signature was all through it.

Michael sat at the table, not a word from him. He just looked at me, his brown eyes weary and red. "I saved it... just in case I screwed up again... but here we are. And you're the screw up" he says coldly.

I sit, my tears form again. "Baby.. you don't want this. You don't want this." I'm practically breathless, I lean on my knees in front of Michael, my sobbing face in his lap. He was emotionless, I had broken him..

"Babe please.." I continue, grabbing his hands tightly. He looked at me like he was empty, like he had nothing left to give me.

"Let me know when you sign it so I can give it to my lawyer..." he says even colder.

"What about Camille and Mike!" I ask.

"Now you care about the kids?!" His voice cracking. "now you care about what happens to this family...." he walks into his office, slamming his door loudly, not allowing me to get another word in.

Camille was in school, but Mikey was home watching his tv shows, oblivious to the firestorm that was surrounding his parents. I wipe my eyes and sit next to him quietly, watching him enjoy his show peacefully. In his mind, everything was calm and content, he was comfortable.

Just imagining tearing them away from their father for days on end, watching them have to cope with having both parents in one home to having two separate homes and their parents no longer together, is ripping me apart. It caused me to sniffle silently until my son hears me, his smile turning to a frown.

"Mommy.. why you cry?" He asks innocently, he wraps his tiny arms around me and hugs me. I hug him back and simply whimper "I'm sorry" over and over to him.

***

"Can we at least think this over?" I ask standing in front of Michael's desk, my eyes to the floor with the divorce packet in my hand.

He holds on to his wedding ring between his fingers, his eyes never meeting mine. He sighs heavily, standing to his feet. "Yeah. We actually can.." he says standing in front of me, grabbing my hand. "We're not going to divorce.." he starts, I reach to hug him before he grabs my arms.

"But, I think we should separate for a while.." he finishes. He slowly removes my wedding ring from my finger and places both mine and his on the desk.

"Michael.. what will we tell the kids?" I whimper, my eyes clouding back up with tears. "We can't do this."

"Rayne, I need space... and time. I can't heal with you here... I need time to process and understand... and forgive. We have to separate for a while in order for this to even try and work out."

I can't even look at him, my eyes darted to the floor, my face soaked with regretful tears and guilty sobbing. I never thought he and I would get to this point. We usually worked everything out.

"This May be good for both of us.. you never fully healed after the whole Maria thing... maybe this will help."

"What if it doesn't?" I sniffle.

He shrugs, "we'll cross that bridge when we get there."

"So you want me to leave?" I ask.

He couldn't even look at me as he shook his head, "it'd be best for us to be in separate places... and the kids can stay here with me cause Camille has school tomorrow. I'll explain everything to her.."

I sigh. "I'll go pack my things...Michael I really love you." I say.

He nods, "I know. I love you too babe..."