Trouvaille

Welcome to your new job

From the carousel of random ideas comes some order - a subtle awareness of who I am under the flow of thoughts with their loose connections to my waking life. After a few moments more I begin to analyze them in a lazy way, perhaps these ideas are meant to be kept. Some are composed as if from a book I once read, some are just silly. In another moment they are gone leaving no trace. If they are still in my head there is no breadcrumb trail back to them. My eyelids flicker open to the unlit room. No daylight. I close them again, willing the carousel to return, for my mind to tumble back to dreams, but it won't. Now the tasks of the day are demanding I think about them, find solutions, get jobs done by day's end. I am awake and there is no retreat. I steal a glance at the pointless alarm clock, glowing red with the number 10:34. I slept late.

Besides the alarm clock sits a sticky note, which can easily be identified as Bowen's doing because of the messy handwriting. It's a good thing I can read it. Grabbing the note, I bring it close to my squinting eyes to read.

'Benji - I turned off your alarm clock because I thought it would be good for you to sleep a little longer. Please do not forget to take your pills and eat breakfast. Also, don't forget to be ready by seven o'clock. I have a job interview for you. And before you call and ask, I won't tell you what it is, and you are going.'

There he goes again planning my life. Honestly, though, It doesn't bug me. Due to my disorders, I have a hard time concentrating and making the right decisions.

I lay in bed for the next half hour. Letting my mind awaken and sort through my thoughts. The often drifted to yesterdays events. That asshole. He didn't even know me.

Dragging myself out of bed, I strip down my boxers as I enter the bathroom. I stepped into the shower, toes flinching as they touched the chilled ceramic floor. I turned the dial, releasing thousands of lukewarm drops. The water pours down, it drips by my side, as my mind fades into dullness and everything is a foggy illusion. The sensation of the steamy water calms me; it takes my mind off things. All the things I honestly don't care about. It's the water. My mind swirls, and it's like I'm standing under an everlasting waterfall. Ever so beautiful, but it can never last, I know that now.

After about an hour, I forced myself out of the shower to start my day. After wrapping a towel around my waist, I look to see that I didn't bring any clothes into the bathroom with me. Well, Bowen's at work so I can walk out in whatever I want.

I walk out of the bathroom with just a towel around my waist and head for the closet. Opening it, I am immediately aggravated. Everything is still packed. Ugh. Turning I walk towards where my suitcase and duffel bag is.

Bowen and I were so tired the night we arrived that we never unpacked, and I guess I was just too lazy to unpack it yesterday. Or you were too occupied by the sexy asshole we ran into to even think about it. I curse my brain for being right.

Who was I kidding? He was sexy as hell, but an asshole. He had black hair that I wanted to run my hands through. He had mesmerizing brown orbs that you could stare into for hours. Even his stubble was sexy. Oh, and his tall muscular frame.

The thought hit me fast. Why would he want me?

I was nothing but a young person, who was broken and disgusting. but he didn't know I was raped? Still, I'm not beautiful, or sexy.

I decide not to dwell on the thought. I mean, it's not like I will ever see him again.

Not sure what job I will be being interviewed for later, I decided to dress casually. I get dressed in some blue skin tight jeans with some brown bots. For my top, I threw on a silk white shirt and a blue jacket. Hopefully, it will be a job I enjoy.