Someone I Used To Be

In the lines

"Tell me it's not what I'm thinking please" he narrowed his eye. It doesn't have to end this way. Not the harsh way, not with anyone in tears. Abdul is pained. He may likely drop one now. Don't get attached, I don't get too. (I did).

"Abdul..." I reached for him again. I was shaking. He stepped back.

"Who the hell is he?" He stormed towards me. "No, please no... I swear it's not what you think" I pleaded to deaf ears as he continued towards me and pinned me."Tell me it's not what I'm thinking please" he pleaded. My voice cut. I couldn't talk, what can I say? What is left to say? He held my hands above my head. I could see anger, what anger? I could see heat to melt the ice poles. His vein protruding. His forehead standing out clearly as he fought an emotion of God knows what. Himself, he's trying not to cry. I mean, not cry like I do, but when men, I mean actual men fight back tears.

"Tell me..." He breathed. Of all the array of emotions I see in his eyes, he's trying to contain and be sane.

I'm hopeless, I couldn't reply. I haven't found my voice. What I feel is worse than Jakes betrayal, is more than Adam's heart break. It's clearly more than any agitation I've survived. He looked me in my eyes for answers. He held my gaze, I couldn't blink. My eyes were screaming "yes, it's what you think and more" every part of me betrayed and rebelled alliance with my brain. My brain? What brain? It's gone. All I could see was Abdullah's angry eyes boring into mine. Boring deep I think they could see through my brain. And when he found his answer, from the tear that escaped my glands, he released his strong grip on my hand and I fell hopelessly to the floor. He turned on his heels and left the with a loud bang on the door. He won't come back! My heart spelt.

Of course, I lay there and cried my eyes out.

••••

"Flight leaves in 45" I heard a voice from the sleep I fell into due to exhaustion. I looked up, Abdullah was standing over me. I looked up again, it's him. Oh.

I lend him a hand to help me up. He came back. God in the skies, thank you. I was expecting him to pick me up, he loves carrying me. Instead, he looked into my eyes. Boring into my head, his hands folded. I don't know what my eyes say, but I'm sure it's not a good one. So, I picked myself up and took my bag to the bathroom. When I was ready, I came back into the room. Abdullah was standing by the window.

"Just so you know, I came back because I have to take you back home. Not because I can't leave you here, but because my religion would want me to take you back home. Once we land, I'm taking you home" his voice was solid, emotionless and merciless. I never thought this Abdullah existed, not even in my dreams. I reached to him. "Abdullah please..."

"You had the chance to explain" he didn't look at me still.

"Please Abdullah" I begged.

"Shut up!" He turned abruptly. He was breathing hard too. He's fighting back too? I wanted to plead. But from what I see in his eyes, I better not.

He left the room and I followed him. Leaving behind my gifts. What souvenirs? Who cares? I followed him downstairs, keeping his pace despite my heels. He reached the cab and without turning, he went in. I reached the cab with sore feet. My God Abdullah. Once we arrived, Abdullah didn't walked away as I thought, he grabbed my hand luggage and walked forward. I ran forward. Please...

I grabbed his arm. He tensed. "Please Abdul" we were in an airport clustered with tourists, but I couldn't care less.

"Baby if you..." He bite his tongue. That came out wrong. "You either come with me or stay there, forever. I don't care" he said in his harshest tone. Somehow, I was temporarily relieved. He started his statement with ..bby, meaning he'll forgive? Meaning the soft spot he has for me is still there?