Why do i do this to myself?
Digging and digging myself into a deeper and deeper hole,
Praying that i could gain the strength
To dig myself back out.
Why can't I let myself be happy?
All the times with friends,
While they're laughing and joking,
There i am,
Choking back sobs and pretending.
Always fucking pretending.
Why don't I let myself be helped?
Therapists, parents, friends, family,
All trying and trying.
But i keep pushing them away.
Why don't people realize
Just how fucked up I am?
Screaming, lashing out, or hiding away,
bleeding, bleeding, bleeding
Until i feel myself wasting into nothing
Bit
By
Bit.
Why don't I just let go?
I keep climbing and climbing
This mountain of pain.
I keep falling and falling
Though i don't know what from.
I keep running from what i need,
From what's healthy,
From help,
From happiness,
From what's true,
From myself.
From the monster
That I am.
