Sunlight

Chapter 25: Awkward Driving

Klaus opened his eyes again to watch her. The frown was still there. He didn't think he had the ability to change it, for he didn't have the ability to change himself. But she changed him. Caroline changed him.

He brushed a kiss against the pucker between her brows, and closed his eyes, trying to sort through the battle in his mind.

Caroline had them back and driving in the morning. Things were painfully quiet between them, as they had been since their talk the night before.

Klaus took to watching her as she watched the road, always looking away the second she started to turn towards him. He knew he was being a coward. He constantly reproached himself for it, as a constant mantra of blame in his head, 'coward, coward, coward'. It still didn't change his actions.

Caroline knew what he was doing, though. When she had had enough of not seeing his eyes, she looked over fast, catching him out.

"Got you." She said with a hint of the usual humor.

"Not funny, Caroline." Klaus deadpanned, and she sighed.

"Look, Klaus." It hurt that she had to say her older name for him, that he wasn't Nik in that moment with her. It hurt Klaus more than he knew it would, constricting his already small heart, and he found himself waiting and hoping for a sign that would make it swell with some sort of feeling, some emotion. But he couldn't label it as love.

"I know. I know you." Caroline said honestly. "I know it was hard for you to hear what I had to say last night, and I know it's hard for you to come to terms with it. But it doesn't change much between us."

Liar. They could both hear just how much of a lie that sentence was.

"We're still travelling, and I'm still here." Caroline continued. "Unless you'd like me to leave...?"

"Never, angel." Klaus said softly, and while it still wasn't quite the words (or rather specific three words) she needed to hear from him, it was a start, and a point for her to breathe out.

"I want and need you with me. You know that too, don't you?" Klaus said quietly. "I just can't give you what you want."

"Well, I want and need you, so if we can still be here together, you're giving me what I want." Caroline said, her heart hurting slightly, but trying to be positive. And nothing really had changed. She was still his first priority. She was still the most important thing to him. She was still his first choice, and still wanted and needed, which was what she wanted and needed. She just didn't have the full package of words that she wanted and needed too.

"Just know that its not anything to do with you." Klaus said almost through his teeth, the words and weakness attached to them difficult for him to let out of his lungs and past his tongue and lips in admittance. "Its everything to do with me and my past."

Caroline took a chance and squeezed his hand softly, her own heart lightening just a bit. It wasn't her. It was him. And he had enough difficulty saying that he wasn't alright, that he was not always strong and in control of everything. It took strength to admit that, and she was only just starting to realize what a struggle it was for him. She just had to live with that struggle in herself too.

"I know," She said, just as soft and sweet as he had when they had first danced together. They just knew things about each other, whether by a prior interrogation or simply by an understanding. They just knew each other.

They drove in more comfortable silence for a distance before Caroline decided she would be the one to get the ball rolling in normal conversation once more.

"So I'm surprised you haven't tried to even find out where the next destination is."

"I didn't think it was information you'd wish to divulge." He replied. "You like keeping me in the dark to make sure I don't meddle, I assume."