Hello, My Name is Crazy.

Your Fire Burns.

Our lips mesh and they slide and they press. They're soft and they're chapped and they're sore. I don't know what I feel. I don't know what to feel. I don't know. I just don't know. My heart aches and my mind races and I kiss back but my soul feels so far away. It's like I'm a dummy. A fake mannequin just being given so much emotion and not being able to fucking return it. Because I'm broken. The truth is I'm broken. I've been like this before. I've felt this a time or two. I've been right in this moment and I've tried to end it all because of this very place I'm at right now. But I'm not supposed to say that right? I'm not supposed to speak at all. I'm not allowed to move. I'm just supposed to tough it out. Get over it. Move on. Stop crying. Hurting. Dying.

"Mn..."

I moan a little. Just a bit. We're on the bed. I'm laid under him. We're panting and kissing and panting and kissing and panting. There's sweat and there's tears and there's lost hope and fears. Everything is just there. Everything is open. My body is an eye sore full of bruises and filled with pain. My eyes are empty. My mouth is polluted with the tongues of men I don't know. My lips are burnt from the saliva of a handful of strangers. Rapists. Monsters. I've become an unused and unnecessary instrument of life. I've become that guy...the one who you don't know who I'm talking about because he never lives long enough for anyone to know about him. I'm him. I'm Mr hopeless. Mr gone. Mr lifeless. I'm all wrong.

"Pon, you okay?"

Dallas flops beside me. His lips are filled with spit from the mixings of our mouths and his forehead is dripping sweat from the passion. I felt it. I think I felt it? How would I know if I did or not. I barely even know how to feel sadness any more. It's all just a numb ache. A blank page. An empty soundtrack. Silence.

"I'm alright..." 

I answered honestly and quietly. It's not a lie. It's not like I'm not okay? I'm alright. I'm not gonna jump out of the window or anything. I'm just going to lay here. I'm going to think to myself about my brothers. About my life. About what I haven't done and what I will do. I think about Dallas. Even though he's right beside me and my hand is in his, I still think of him. I think of the first time I saw him. I think of being scared of him. I think of his puppy. I wonder if she's okay. My heart panics.

"Dallas, what about darling?!"

I bolt up and his eyes go wide. He follows my stride as we stumble out the bedroom door and down the stairs, fumbling through the house like a couple of idiots. We're trying to run but I'm pretty sure both of our legs have fallen asleep and keeping on balance is hard. We get outside, across the street, to the door. I'm out of breath by now but Dallas opens his door and yells for his puppy. She comes walking towards him from the empty living room. I can see her ribs. My eyes water and I think his are as well. He grabs her food and pours it in her dish while I fill the other dish with water. Soon we're both staring at the little pitbull eating and drinking, starved for days on end now. I feel awful and he does too. I can tell. When she's done eating, he picks her up and we head back to my house. Sodapop is waiting anxiously at the front door.

"Why'd you two run out like that!? I was so worried! You should tell me next time pony oh my god!"

"Jesus Soda relax...we didn't go far."

"Yeah and you didn't go far the night you were freaking kidnapped either Pony!"

"S-shut up Soda..just shut your mouth about that.."

My eyes glaze over and it's back again. The hollowness. The lack of life. The soul sucking son of a bitch is back in my chest again. It's empty. I'm empty. I turn for the stairs and start to walk away as the tears fall down my face before I have the chance to fall apart. Dallas follows me with Darling. He carries her behind me and his presence is the only thing keeping me from not leaping out my window and accepting the sweet embrace of death. Soda stays downstairs. Quiet. Hurt. Probably a little shocked and sad. I'm sorry Sodapop. I'm sorry. I flop into my bed and Dallas slowly seats himself beside me, laying the puppy by one of my hands. I pet her and I pet her and I think about how much easier my life would have been if my parents had never died. If I wasn't an orphan. If I wasn't left behind. I think about everything that hurts and I let it kill me. I let it take my emotions. I let it burn my thoughts. I let it set my heart on fire. And I watch the flames. I watch them go up, higher and higher. Until theyre so high, no one will ever touch my heart again. No one will get that close. But then he does.

"Ponyboy...cmere.."

A soft voice and a warm hand caress my cheek. Warm lips lay on it. Arms wrap around me. Pieces fall back in place. I turn my head to look at him. I glance into his eyes. They're so pure with pain. Like the ocean. So beautiful. His lips press against mine and it begins. They slide and they pop and they push against eachother. Our tongues twist and our saliva swaps mouths and our hands tangle eachothers hair. Air is non existent. Taking a breath is not an option. Just kiss me. Just kiss me some more.

My fire goes out.