Master of death, master of my heart

You can't control me

"Crucio!"

I squirmed in my seat, trying to wriggle free from my bindings, but to no avail. I growled, and looked at at the man, Mr.Allen. (A/N yeah. I know.) He smiled.
"Who else is working with Gellert Grindelwald?" He asked. I clenched my jaw, and just stared him down defiantly. He growled, and raised his wand again. Nobody knew what he was doing, except me, and himself. I'd not told Gellert for fear of what he would do. He cast he curse again, and I felt my obscurus slowly seeping out. I tried to hold it back, and suppressed the force for a while longer, until the pain stopped, but then I just smiled at the man, and let my obscurus take over.
Before he could react, he'd been blown across the room, and a hole had appeared in the wall. I managed to reel the obscurus back in, and I smirked, and retrieved my wand a case under his desk, which is made sure to leave unharmed. I ran back to Gellert, and smiled at him.  I tried to unlock his cell door, but it didn't work. Of course. I sighed, and looked at him.
"Oh..." I mumbled. He tilted his head, and motioned for me to go. I looked at him, startled. "No!" I hissed, and he rolled his eyes.
"Go. I'll be fine. You can't get me out so go." He said quietly. I huffed reluctantly, and edged back a little, unsure. "Go! Go to Newt. He'll help you, won't he?" He asked. I nodded, and bit my lip, and then ran back over.
"You'll be okay?" I asked. He nodded, and took my hand through the bars. I smiled bitterly, and then ran, resisting the urge to look back.

I ran and ran and ran. I regretted it the second I took my first step away from him, but I knew he'd be okay. He was Gellert Grindelwald, for goodness sake. I repeated that simple sentence in my mind as I went, and soon, I reached Newt's home in England, after apparating across multiple continents. I burst in, waved at Albus Dumbledore, who was talking to Newt, and jumped into Newt's case. It took him a moment to follow, but he did. I was sat, panting heavily, in the room where the other obscurus had once been. Newt came in, and Albus waited patiently outside.
"You escaped?" He asked. I nodded, and smiled guiltily.
"I may of killed a man...but he was torturing me! And you know how I get! I had to leave Gellert. His cell had some charm I couldn't undo." I sensed Newt growing tense as I mentioned the Dark Wizard.
"Why him?" Was all he asked. I stayed silent, and looked up at Newt. I don't know. Why do I like him? Is it his charm? Cause he's charming. And good-looking. Let's not forget that. NO! BRAIN! SERIOUSLY. Okay...
But as my thoughts droned on, nothing really came to mind. There was just something about him. Maybe it was his eyes? How one was blue, and the other brown? How one crinkled up ever so slightly when he smiled. Or...his smile! Yes! Maybe that! How one side of his mouth would slowly lift up into a lopsided grin when he was up to something, and how his lips twitched when he was trying to be serious in a ridiculous situation. Maybe...! I had forgotten Newt was watching, and he sighed, and sat next to me. I sensed Albus smiling, and I lazily clicked my wand, opening the door.
"Stay out of my thoughts." I snarled, and he just smiled, moving to the corner of the room.
"Those were some deep thoughts." He said, smiling. "And I'm truly sorry. But my curiosity got the better of me,
Sasha. And..." He trailed off, and I knew what he meant. His feelings for Gellert had not changed. "I never realized how much those green eyes of yours saw. How much you noticed." He continued.
"Nobody really know what goes on in my head. It's a beautiful mess, tragic, yet wonderful." I shut my eyes. "But dive deeper, my friend. What do you see?" I asked, giving my childhood companion a chance to see what went on in my mind.
"Fear. There's fear. And..a...lust...for power. You want to feel what it is to be strong. And...you want to feel what is to be loved. To feel love. To give, and show love. But, most of all, you just want a friend you can rely on." I nodded once at Albus' speech. He continued.
"You care. You just have a weird way of showing it. You've always been shunned, left out, pushed away because of who you are. But this is who you are. You want to shout to everyone that 'This is Me'. And you wonder why they can't accept it. But you also know why. Humans are naturally inclined to fear what is different. To hate it, even. And when one acts upon the nature, others give in to such a simplistic instinct. And people don't like change. Never did. Never will. Even you are not an exception to that. Some pretend to embrace it, but inside, they loathe it. So when one different person comes along to change something, they don't accept it." By now, I'd pretty much opened my mind like a book. I didn't mind. I trusted these people.
(A/N just like I trust you, missgingercat But don't ruin it. I've said it before. I'll say it again. On the brighter side, though...here I am, letting random people know what I think.)
Newt was watching me, surprised.
"And you're just a tiny bit obsessed with the colour of the world. And how black can change to white. Evil to good, one may say. You love how the sky, at sunset, shimmers and changes and blends such vibrant blues, oranges, yellows, and pinks and greens all into one fascinating cascade of wonder. You think it's so amazing, you'd just sit and watch it all day if you could. But you can't. Nothing good lasts that longs. Which is why you're scared. Scared of what could happen to moments like these in the seconds to come. Scared of what may be, what has been, and what has always been. But in the end, nothing bad lasts forever, right? So you savour every second, the good, the bad, and the ones you're not really sure about. In your mind, every moment could be a seed, preparing to blossom into a flower. You know that good can come from the bad and bad can come from the good. But at the end of the day, there is no good and bad. Good and Bad is determined by what people think of it. You don't just see something and think...HEY! That's bad! You just don't. You dwell on it. Maybe not for long, but you think about it." Albus stopped as he reached the last fear.
"Most of all...you're scared of yourself. Nobody ever looks like much at first, do they? You definitely don't. But deep inside is, as you like to call it, a switch. A time bomb. A potential disaster. You know that everyone has the potential to be, say, the most beautiful, the most powerful, the best. But they also have the potential to kill mercilessly. Without thought. And yes, Sasha, I will say it for you. Gellert does think before doing things. Maybe sometimes you'd think before it, but ultimately decide that you'll still kill them. And you know that you're no different in that sense. You've already killed. Okay, not a human, but still. You've taken lives without thought. (A/N I feel sorry for them lil flies) You've even played with them for a while, like a cat and mouse, before ceasing their suffering. You'd like to think that at least you were nice enough to end the suffering, but then again, you caused it." Albus stopped again, and I shut my mind suddenly. They'd seen enough.

But I did cause the suffering. But I also ended it. Does that make me a better, or a worse person?