reminisce | e'dawn. [🗸]

[chapter nineteen]

"How are you?" he asked, his voice small and unsure; he cleared his throat hesitantly and grimaced at some unknown thing. With miniature footsteps, he approached me and sat on the chair next to the bathroom door.

"I'm doing better," I said. I quickly realized Changgu wasn't going to talk much on his own, so I figured now was the best time to explain why I invited him. "For the record, I'm gonna be okay."

"That's good to hear," he nodded, leaning forward with his elbows on either knee. I nodded in return.

"And," I said, breathing deeply, "for the past few days, I've had this question."

It was something I had been thinking about ever since I reclaimed my thoughts and memories. Something about the fact that all my past best friends and even my girlfriend somehow gravitated back to me and I to them was suspicious, and while I wasn't upset about this realization, I was curious and puzzled as to what could have caused that. I didn't believe in fate, at least not in the sense that it could have gathered all of us back together after the accident. There was only one way to find out the truth and it was by asking someone who was clearly involved and dedicated. I thought Changgu deserved to answer me, righteously, so he could retaliate for causing my seizure.

"What is it?"

"Did you make some kind of plan to pretend they didn't know me?" He lowered his face and stared at the tile floor, but I could still see the faint expression of anxiety that he was hiding. "Please don't sugarcoat it."

"Basically," he sighed, looking back at me with a look that said I've given up. "You're exactly right. It was Wooseok's dad's idea, since he's your specialist, and he told everyone about it at a meeting we had in the school guidance counselor's office. He told us that Wooseok should be one of the first to 'meet' you, and from there he should guide you to each of us."

"But I met Jinho first," I said. "I guess Mom told me to do that, though."

Changgu coughed into a tissue and balled it up in his shaky fist. "Right. And we were doing so well, except a couple slip-ups that I heard about through the groupchat that you just found. You know, things like when one of us said something that only applied before the accident, and you wouldn't have had any clue about now."

"Like when Mom asked if I was gonna dye my hair again." It was all coming together.

"Yeah." His voice grew quieter and more broken, so he pulled out the tissue again and held it an inch out from his mouth as if he was going to cough again, but he never did. "I was the last to meet you, and the first to give up on the system."

"Is that why you were so upset during Phys. Ed.?"

My question went over his head. "I didn't mean to break down or anything. Hongseok told me he felt so refreshed when he ran into you at work, and I got jealous--you know? He wasn't supposed to meet you there. But no matter what, it was planned that I would meet you last. I had no say whatsoever."

"I'm sorry it took so long." I frowned and scratched the back of my neck.

"That's not the issue, Dawn," he shook his head. I softened at the nickname. "I wasn't supposed to tell you everything; I was out of control. You were supposed to get all that information back on your own. You could've been seriously traumatized, and there's no telling whether you will be in the future."

"If it means anything, I don't care that you told me," I said. "Some of it was for the best."

"True, but then again it's the reason you're here right now. I feel like there's nothing worse I could've done in ten years to top this," he admitted, his eyes welling up. I pushed a box of tissues toward him, and he held it in his lap. "Your mom had so many bills to pay for the six months you spent here. Now this--this--" (he gestured around the room) "--is my fault. I can't believe it even after so many days have passed. I'm so sorry, Hyojong."

"Calm down," I said. "It's okay. Mom and Mr. Kim have jobs, and I can get one too if it would help them. But Mom wouldn't ever blame you for anything, and neither would Dr. Kim or I myself. Just keep that in mind."

"Thanks for understanding," he said softly, then coughed hoarsely into a new tissue. It turned red this time, and I jumped back with alarm.

"What's that?" I asked.

"That hasn't happened before," he confessed, his eyes growing wide. "It hurts, but I've never coughed blood. Ever."

I groped around the side of my bed and sought my help wire, which came with a red button that would summon a nurse when pushed. I pushed hard on it for lack of a better resolution and saw Changgu stand up, alarmed.

"Wait."

"What?"

"The only reason I could--" (he coughed here, nearly doubling over in the middle of his sentence) "--come visit you was because of my appointment."

"You have an appointment at the hospital?"

He kept coughing, staining the two-ply tissue with more dark red specks. It was gross to watch, but he patted his chest to indicate he was here for a checkup on his URIs.

"God, I hope you're okay," I grimaced, covering my own mouth as he sat back down. A woman in scrubs barged in just then.

"Everything all right?" she asked, seeing that we were both in good shape. On the outside, at least.

"Sorry, we're fine," Changgu dismissed at first. "Uh, do you know anything about a bloody cough?"

She turned her attention to me and furrowed her brows. It must have sounded odd, given practically the whole staff knew why I was here, and a bloody cough was not a symptom.

"It's not mine," I told her, "it's his. He has an appointment coming up anyway."

"Let me take a look," she said, crossing the room to dig some tools out of the system of cabinets. I looked out the window as she examined Changgu's throat.

She told him something quietly and advised that he get down to the waiting room, so I stood up and hugged him.

"Thanks for coming," I mumbled, nudging him on the shoulder. "I'm glad we sorted things out."

"Me too," he nodded, restricting his voice. I didn't blame him for doing that. "See you later, Dawn."

-

a/n

the next chapter will be the last one! thank you so much for reading! i had a lot of fun writing this and i'm really proud that i finished it in a satisfactory way. what do you think? :')

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