Crown Me

13.

Luke stood and clasped me in a tight hug as the doctor waited for me by the door. No words passed between us but when he pulled back our eyes met and he jerked his head tersely in a sign of silent solidarity. I didn't ask him to come with I needed to face this alone.

The hospital room was spacious but the bulk of it was occupied by the bed and a number of machines quietly analysing and recording Perrie's condition. It was eerily quiet but the sight of her slammed into me with brute force. I'd braced myself before entering but I hadn't truly been prepared for the sight of her, small and pale, surrounded by tubes and IVs. My stomach flipped as I drank in the sight of her, at once relieved to see the slight movement of her chest as she breathed and also horrified by how utterly still the rest of her body was. The left side of her face was swollen purple from the head trauma, providing a garish contrast to her skin. Every impulse in my body compelled me to go to her, rip out the needles and scoop her into my arms. I fought the urge to carry her away. This was what she needed, no matter how difficult it was to ignore my instinct.

The doctor gestured to a chair next to the bed and I walked to it slowly, taking my place at her side.

"Can I touch her?" I asked in a soft voice, unable to take my eyes off the woman I loved.

"Yes," he assured me before turning his attention to the nurse as she wheeled in the ultrasound machine.

The others faded into the background as I laced my fingers through hers. Her hand was soft and fragile in mine. It was alarmingly cold, devoid of the comforting warmth that I usually found in the simple gesture. A machine by her bed chirped frantically and my gaze flew to the doctor, who was studying her heart rate.

"That was...interesting."

I swallowed hard, my mouth and throat dry, and waited for him to continue.

"Comatose patients sometimes show increased vitals in the presence of a loved one." He smiled encouragingly. "I'd say she knows you're here."

I squeezed her hand, hoping for another sign but her pulse remained steady. It was selfish to hope that I could somehow draw her out of this, but it didn't stop me from trying.

The doctor continued to speak, explaining what we would see and what he was doing with each step as he prepared for the test. A nurse squeezed in next to me, drawing back the bedclothes and rearranging Perrie's gown but I didn't budge.

My eyes stayed on her, watching for the flicker of her lashes, willing her lips to part.

Say something.

But there was no further sign that she felt me. I was adrift. Unmoored. I clung to her hand the brittle thread that connected me to this world.

A hum filled the air followed by a gentle whooshing but I didn't turn away. I lifted her hand to my lips and pressed it there, desperate to fill the void that stretched between us.

"Jade," the doctor called my attention back to him, "there is someone I'd like you to meet."

It took every ounce of determination I had to turn away from her but when my eyes landed on the screen, the heavy weight on my heart suddenly lifted.

"She looks perfect," The doctor said, relief coloring his voice.

"She?"

"She," he confirmed.

"We are having a little baby girl," I whisper to Perrie, my vision still locked on the ultrasound monitor.

She.

She... Our princess

We are having a daughter.

Warmth flooded through the emptiness I'd been carrying. It burst through my chest, coiling around my heart and anchoring me to this world to my family. I'd found the meaning I'd searched for in a place I'd feared to tread. The darkness that had shadowed my life lifted and there was only her. And I finally knew, beyond a doubt that, of all the things I'd done wrong, of all the mistakes I had made, I must have done something right.