SMOTHERED LIES

twenty five (Adele)

We were different people.

“This is gonna be fun.” I whisper ever so quietly, rewarded with their breathless laughter.

And with that thought in mind we part, the girls venturing off their separate ways, preparing for the sleepless night ahead.

I look to Reeve once more, study that concealed expression he always seems to wear so well, and go to leave before he has the chance to speak. But like always his hand finds my arm in the last moment, leaving an imprint I am sure will be tattooed to my skin forever. Not that I would mind so much. I have always admired the way this fingers brush against mine.

“Adele,” he states simply, as though that one word could amount to a thousand others. As though my name alone could be an explanation to everything he has ever said or done.

“Reeve?” It feels as though I am saying his name for the first time again, although only now does it feel as though it belongs on my lips.

“You know how I said I would stay out of your life after all of this?”

My throat constricts but the words come somehow, as though spoken through someone else.

“Yeah, why?”

“Well I think I lied.”

My heart sinks and rises in the same moment. “What are you talking about?”

“I can't do it.” He stumbles closer, his eyes impossibly glassy. “I just can't-”

“No Reeve, no.” I press a hand to his chest, swallow a mouthful of air. “You promised me. ”

“I know, I know but-”

“But what? What is there left to say?” I can no longer conceal the waver my voice beholds. “Honestly, I'm grateful for everything you've done. I am. But you have to leave us alone after this. You owe that to us.”

I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this.

Not now, not tonight.

I cannot deal with this.

With that I free myself from his arms and turn away, tears I hadn't felt coming igniting my cheeks. I run, with his eyes burning holes into my back, burning craters through my body which has always been hollow anyway.

I sense his breaths but not his footsteps. I feel his presence but not his touch.

I hear his words, not his voice.

“But I'm in love with you.”

And then all I am aware of is his lips. Colliding with mine, and that gaping whole in my chest repairing itself, placing the broken pieces back together as though they never really needed mending in the first place. All I am aware of is his hands, gripping my face, his mouth moving against mine like a dance. A dance without music, but a dance all the same.

And I forget myself. I forget everyone and everything. I forget my past, my future, which is in his hands. I forget the world. Forget that tonight could be my last, forget that I am small and weak and not much of a person at all. I forget who Reeve is, all he has done in the past.

All I know, is that this is us, now. This is me, whole. And that's all that really matters.

He has kissed me once before. A long time ago, back when he was Nate. Back when all I cared about was losing myself. But this time it's different all together. This time it counts. Because this isn't Nate, pressing his lips to mine.

This is Reeve.

I curl my fingers through his hair, keep my eyes fastened shut as I drown in this feeling. This ecstasy. I breathe him, inhale that warm yet musky scent he has always upheld. My entire body is humming with electricity, burning with his touch. My heart beating so fast and hard, I can feel it everywhere, hear nothing else.