With You ✔

35

Kit

I've been staring at the phone in my hands for almost an hour now. It would be so easy to just turn it on, read the messages and listen to the voicemails that I know are there. It would be so easy to just text her or call her, to hear her voice if only for a second.

I could Face time her and see her one more time, I could see them both one more time. I have no doubt that they're together right now. It's been a little over twelve hours since I left, and the only thing stopping me from turning my phone on right now is the fact that I know I'll hear or see how hurt they are - and I can't handle that right now.

I wish I could hear them though.

I wish I could see them.

But this is for the best, I have to believe that I made the right choice, and I have to believe that this is going to work.

My surgery is at 7 a.m tomorrow morning. I've been here for six hours, and in that time I've had every kind of test and scan possible done in preparation. Doctor Miller wants to make sure there are no surprises tomorrow since we can't afford to make any mistakes.

Doctor Miller is still confident, and so I choose to be confident too.

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I've never had a favorite color before. Finn used to love green when we were younger, so he would try to force me to say it was my favorite too, but I never did. I could never choose which color I liked the best, until I saw Ellie Thomas' eyes.

Now as I stare at the bright florescent lights above me, the only thing I can think of is that shade of bright blue.

"Kit, are you sure there isn't anyone you want us to call for you?"

"No thank you." It's not the first time I've been asked and it's not the first time I've declined. No one knows I'm here and that's for the best. I have to keep telling myself that it's for the best.

The nurse gives me a sad smile and I know she doesn't agree with my choice. After all, this could be the last time I ever get the chance to make a phone call - this could be the last time I ever see another person.

This could be it.

I could never see a reason to fight before, a reason to try and break the odds. I wanted suffer in silence and wait it out - but then I met Ellie Thomas. She made me snap out of my selfish and foolish trance, and now I can't stand the fact that I may not have enough time to thank her, or make it up to the people I hurt.

"Are you ready then?"

Bright blue.

Blonde hair.

Wide smile.

Sunshine.

"I'm ready."

A few minutes after the nurses have finished prepping me, Dr. Miller comes into my room, dressed in scrubs and practically radiating excitement at the fact that she finally gets to cut into my head. "You sure there's no one you want us to call, kid?"

No. "I'm sure."

Doctor Miller looks behind her and nods, then a team of nurses come the room and wheel me to the operating room.

I leave a note with the woman at the nursing station that says if anything goes wrong, she's to call my mom at her conference, my grandma in Florida, and then Finn and Ellie. I'm positive that Finn and Ellie are together somewhere worrying about me - or maybe they ignored my request to keep this a secret from my mom, and they're all four together worrying somewhere.

Once I'm in the operating room and the anesthesiologist is about to put me under, all I see is blue scrubs. The same color of blue as Ellie's eyes surrounds me as I lay on the table, and that's the last thing I see - that familiar blue.

My favorite color.