Journal

Entry 1

It's not too late..you can still turn back from reading this shit.

I'm writing here to simply vent..and in case I end up..well, taking the easy way out as they say. I can't talk to anyone. Family and loved ones simply turn a deaf ear, get mad or lecture me on how harder they had it. It only weighs down on my shitty small heart..making me feel even worse.

So here I am..the black sheep. Understatement..I'm the pathetic cockroach that gets squished when said person is sick of seeing the little bastard.

Recently my mind has been uncovering repressed memories..they should stay that way. Why does my mind do this to me? It's like a small hidden part of me likes to watch my own pain. Laughing. Judging.. Pushing until I can't take anymore. All one is suppose to have is one's self..but even my own mind is turning against me until I have nothing. 😞

From the beginning until now my life has been drowned in bad luck. I'm 23 now and to the point of wondering why continue..nothing will change. More and more shit keeps going down..so really what's the point..?..we all eventually end up in the ground anyway.

Today I remembered back around the age of 8 I went to a friend's birthday party at the river. I was in the water almost to my neck when another kid starts ducking my head underwater and holding me there.. He pulled me further into the water even though I cries I couldn't swim between tiny amounta of breath I could muster before they pushed me back under.. I don't remember how I got away from them, but I made it back to the docks where my father lifts me up from the water. I was coughing vigorously..he got mad and yelled something. I was too shaken up to listen and I don't even believe he saw the kid doing it..I plan on asking him about this next tine I see him.

If the parallel universe theory is accurate..I'm defiantly dead in many.

That must explain my fear of water..