While I'm Alive

Chapter Twenty Two

Norma hadn't seen Alex very much. He sometimes didn't even come home from work. But tonight was Emma's homecoming party that Dylan was throwing for her down at the beach and Alex had promised Norma that he would be there. He was going to come straight from work to meet her there. Dylan had offered to pick Norma up so that she could ride home with Alex.
"Emma, you look so beautiful, dear!" Norma says, hugging the young girl. Emma laughs and holds tightly onto Norma.
"Thank you." she says happily. They pull away and smile at each other.
"Where's Alex? I thought he would be here waiting." Dylan says, knowing that Alex had told Norma he was coming. Dylan knew all about Norma's struggles because of Emma who was very close with his mother.
"He's coming from work. He should be here any minute." Norma says positively. Her confidence in Alex's appearance at the party began to dwindle after an hour of being there by herself.
"So we have something to tell you." Dylan begins slowly as they walk up to Norma.
"Okay." Norma says slowly, looking between the two young adults.
"So...um...there's a hospital in Seattle. It's the best respiratory center in the country. My dad...you know, he just wants to give me my best shot." Emma begins, her fingers fiddling with each other nervously.
"You're moving?" Norma asks with a mix of surprise and sadness.
"I-I could go to college out there. You know? And-And live a normal life...for once." Emma says with a nod.
"Oh. Yeah. Okay. Well I'm so sad to hear this Emma. I know we will all miss you so much." Norma says, glancing over at Dylan.
"Uh-Actually...I-I am going to be joining them. Emma is going to need a lot of monitoring through the first year." Dylan tells Norma. Norma's soft smile disappears and is replaced by a cold look.
"I see." she says with a nod.
"When?" she asks him.
"Soon." Dylan says.
"We are renting our house out right now. But it's on the market. My...my dad got a job at a college up there." Emma jumps in.
"Soon like...like in a month?" Norma asks.
"Like...in a few days." Dylan tells her with a shrug. Norma takes a deep breath, trying not to cry or freak out.
"Norma it's gonna...it's gonna be fine. Okay? I promise. I'm not...I'm not gonna disappear." he reassures her.
"Okay." she says simply, still trying to compose herself.
"I-I'll make sure we come visit a lot." Emma says, taking Norma's hand. Norma forces a smile and looks at the pair with tear filled eyes.
"Just...I-I want you guys to come to dinner. You know, before you leave." Norma tells them.
"Okay. We will." Dylan says quickly.
"Okay." Norma says, letting go of Emma's hand.
"I think I'm just gonna go." Norma tells them, putting her hands in the pockets of her dress.
"What about Alex? I thought he was giving you a ride home." Dylan says with confusion.
"Uh, I-I don't think he's coming. He's been really busy lately. I was just going to walk-"
"Sorry I'm late." Alex says, walking up to them. He slips his arm around Norma's waist and places a kiss on her forehead.
"I'm sorry." he whispers to her again. She forces a smile and nods.
"Dylan, good to see you again." Alex says, shaking Dylan's hand.
"You too, Sheriff." Dylan says with a nod.
"You look good, Emma." he tells the young girl. She smiles and steps forward to hug Alex who freezes but quickly hugs her back.
"Thank you for coming." Emma says, stepping away.
"Do you want a drink? There's an open bar down near the shore." Emma offers.
"No that's alright. I'm on call." Alex tells them.
"You are?" Norma asks with surprise. He gives her a sad smile and nods.
"Uh, well I was just about to head home. Did you want to stay longer?" Norma asks. Alex gives her a look but shakes his head.
"Uh, n-no. No, yeah, we can leave." he tells her, taking her hand in his.
"Well thank you for stopping by." Emma tells them both.
"Yeah, thank you for having us. I'll see you guys later for dinner?" Norma asks.
"Yeah. I'll call you." Dylan tells her as he hugs her. She places a kiss on his cheek before quickly hugging Emma.
Alex leads Norma to his car and opens the door for her before getting in. They ride in silence for a few moments before Norma speaks.
"You could've texted me." she says, staring out the window.
"I was working." he tells her. She bites her lip, trying to keep her temper under control. She knew if she didn't change the subject now, she would go mad.
"I ran into a woman the other day. She said she knew you. Her name was Rebecca I think." Norma says, watching Alex's reaction closely.
"Oh." he said simply.
"Well do you know her?" Norma asks. He shrugs, not saying anything for a moment.
"I used to, yeah. Well...she's my banker." he tells her.
"Oh. Just your banker." Norma says with relief.
"Well, for a while...way long ago...we used to...have relations." he says carefully.
"Relations?" Norma asks.
"It was purely physical. Just someone to keep warm." he tells her.
"Oh. When did it stop?" Norma asks curiously.
"The day you moved into town." he says honestly, glancing over at her. Norma smiles widely, feeling much more comforted. She had never felt jealous of the woman. Merely curious as to her part in Alex's life. Now that she was reassured of the ending of their relations, she could forget about the woman altogether.
"Emma gave me a card today. It was for a doctor. He specializes in fertility and IVF." Norma says, looking at Alex with hope. He sighs and shakes his head.
"I don't think we will be needing that." he tells her.
"I'm over forty, Alex. So are you." she reminds him.
"I meant...I work a lot, Norma. You know that."
"So what? So you're...so you're saying we aren't even going to try?" she asks angrily.
"I didn't say that. I just...you know, I don't want to do this right now."
"No, you know what? You've had one day off in the last month which you spent sleeping. So when are we supposed to do this?" she shouts at him. His grip tightens on the steering wheel and he angrily pulls off to the side of the road and parks the car before turning to her.
"What! What!" he asks angrily.
"I'll tell you what!" she says, taking off her seatbelt and turning to him.
"You live your life in a glass box that says 'Break in case of emergency'. You are ninety percent sheriff and only ten percent mine and that is not enough!" she shouts at him.
"What is that? An ultimatum?" he asks.
"No. I'm telling you how I feel and that's different. I want a family with the man that I love."
"I'm not going to be a good father!" he shouts over her.
"I'm a bad man. I'm exactly like my father was. And I swore I would never become him. I can't raise a child like he raised me-"
"You are nothing like your father, Alex-"
"I am! I always have been!" he tells her.
"I've killed innocent men, Norma. For you-"
"Don't you dare put this on me, Alex. I didn't ask you to kill Bob Paris-"
"No you only ask me to kill if it involves protecting Norman." he shouts over her. She opens her mouth with shock. As soon as the words left his lips, he knew he shouldn't have said them.
"How dare you." she tells him.
"You have no idea what it's like for me and Norman."
"No, because you won't let me in! You push me away when it comes to Norman-"
"That is not true!" she shouts at him.
"Then why didn't you tell me you went to see Norman?" Alex asks her. She looks over at him with shock.
"How did you-"
"The institute called me. You left your scarf." he tells her. She stares back out the window, not wanting to reply.
"When did we start lying to each other?" Alex asks her.
"We didn't-" she stops herself, breathing deeply with anger.
"I didn't....I haven't been lying, Alex. I just didn't want to tell you because I knew you would get worked up." she tells him.
"Because he needs space. He can't be smothered-"
"I am his mother! You don't get to decide what's best for him-"
"The institute does though!" he shouts back. She glares at him, flexing her jaw muscles to keep herself from exploding. Alex quickly unbuckles his seat belt and opens the car door, stepping out.
"Alex." Norma calls out, opening her own door and stepping out of it. She sees Alex walking down the road, away from the car.
"Alex! Where are you going?" she calls out to him.
"For a walk." he replies without looking back at her. Norma huffs and walks over to the drivers side of the car and steps in, peeling back out onto the road.
When she arrived home, she slams the front door of her house closed behind her and races up to her bedroom, the tears already falling freely from her eyes. She felt so alone. Alone and isolated. She couldn't help but miss Alex even though she was so angry with him. She thought he would want what she wanted. She didn't know what this might do to their relationship or their future.
What she knew for sure was that she couldn't imagine her life without Alex. She couldn't see herself surviving this if things went wrong with him.
Her sobs fill the air of the quiet, empty house as she collapses onto her bed which still smells of him. She clutches the sheets in her fists, bringing the fabric up to her nose as she sobs into it.
Eventually, her sobs softened to irregular hiccups as her body began to grow tired. When she sobbed out everything she had in her, her tears flowed silently, an endless river.
She didn't know what time it was when she heard footsteps approaching her door. She knew she should feel alarmed since she didn't hear the front door open at all but she couldn't feel anything.
Her door slowly swung open and Alex steps inside. Norma pushes herself up to sit on the edge of the bed. Her tear stained cheeks glistened from the light of the hallway while she stared at him with sad, electric blue eyes.
He slowly kneels down in front of her, his eyes having never looked so upset and pitiful. She had never seen him cry before and his wet eyes that she looked into now were as close to the real thing as she ever wanted to see. The sight broke her heart.
He slowly took her small hands in his own, stroking the backs with his thumbs. He opened his mouth, trying to speak.
"I'm yours." he whispers to her finally. She lets out the air she didn't know she had been holding and the tears began again.
"I'm yours. Always." he says again, reaching up to take her face into his hands. All Norma can do is nod and lean forward to kiss him passionately. He pulls away and dries her tears with his thumbs.
"I-I...I want to give you...everything. But I'm afraid." he tells her.
"Of what?"
"I don't want to be like my father. I don't want to be a bad dad." he says sadly. Norma scoots forward and holds his head to her chest, running her fingers through his hair.
"You're going to be...the best dad in the world, Alex. Because I know how much love you are capable of. And I know how gentle and caring you are." she tells him. He nods, clinging to her like a small child.
"Alex, I don't want to have another fight like this." she tells him as he lifts his head.
"It scared me." she adds.
He nods, his thumb stroking her cheek.
"Our relationship is strong, Norma. I love you more than i've ever loved anyone. And i'm not giving you up." he says, earning a beautiful smile from her pink lips.
"Promise?" she asks.
"I promise." he tells her, taking her hand.
"I'm not saying no to kids, Norma. I'm just asking for some time with you. Just us." he explains to her.
"And we can have kids later?" she asks.
"Four years tops." he tells her.
"Six months." she bargains.
"One year." he offers.
"Deal." she says happily, shaking his hand. She smiles slowly and launches herself at him, hugging him tightly.
"I love you." she whispers into his ear. He smiles, still not used to the sound of her telling him that.
"I love you too."

Sorry it's been so long. I just recently found out how to do edits so i've been making Normero videos. And i've got work and school. It all piles up. Anyways, enjoy!