Responsible for survival

Separating

Maya knocks before striding in. She holds a pair of soft fluffy grey loose tracksuit bottoms and an oversized shirt. I shake my head microscopically, though the no doesn't meet my lips. I can't. It hurts. I just can't. Maya smiles. "Let me cut the top off." She smiles, pulling out a dainty set of lilac handled scissors. I tense, and lift my right arm. She gently snips away the fabric. It falls to the floor with a slump. She gently eases my left arm into the oversized shirt. Tears bug in my eyes. "It's alright to cry Clarke." She whispers. She gently pulls the tracksuit bottoms over my legs. She helps me back into the bed. Maya gently fluffs the pillows. She sweeps my hair out from around my neck. With light fingers she presses the monitor against my pulse. Maya grins, and something inside makes me decide I can trust her. No one else in this mountain, but I can trust her. She pokes her head in through the door. 'Look through the window for your friends' she mouths, before forcefully shutting the door. I stare through the window like a starving kid. Desperate. I want to see them... but I don't want them to be here. As the lights flicker to their own circadian rhythm, I give up and try to force myself to sleep.

BELLAMY'S POV

I pace the camp, back and forth, round and round each tent. I don't let anyone replace my guard duty. None of the kids are exactly willing to sleep, and those that do wake up screaming a few minutes later. 20 people are missing. We killed 13 people. The last one is locked in the top tier of the dropship, bound by seatbelts and tight metal chains. When the dawn comes, maybe, maybe I'll face him. But right now, I can't. I won't. His people have Clarke. And that alone would be unforgivable. But taking Amaya, an eight year old, or Monty and Harper and Charlotte and Murphy and Fox and Scott and Jasper and Miller as well? They'll never come to us again. Because we'll wipe them out and off the face of the planet. Raven pokes her head out of the dropship as I walk past it for 27th time. "Bellamy." She calls softly, smiling gently. I look at her, the moon reflecting in her red eyes. "It's going to be alright. Felix and Cressida will be back in a few days with a message sent to Polis, to the army of grounders. With us and their army, we'll have them back in a week." I try to believe her, I try. But then I see Clarke's face, splatters of blood and contorted in an eternal scream of pain, my gut twists and I can't. I shake my head, blinking the tears away. I must not be weak. "They have acid fog. We have four guns and enough food for three days."
"And survival coded in our DNA." Raven sweetly mimics Jaha, when a mass outbreak of a thought to be eradictacted disease swept through and killed 406 people. I roll my eyes and walk off. They're not dying.

Eventually, I give in to the burn of anger. I open the tent door. "Monroe, we need to talk to the guard, see what we can get out of him." She grunts in response. 'I don't want to, I want to stay in bed and sleep'. But I know she hasn't slept anymore than I have. "You nearly killed him, I think he'll be more intimidated by you than the rest of us." There's a hard thud as she rolls out of bed into drying mud.
"I'm here." She grunts. She shoos the small children who run up to her away. "You don't wanna see what I'm going to do." She whispers. They nod, walking to the play area despondently. Her eyes follow, and I know she doesn't have the burning anger to kill him like I do. "What do we want out of him?"
"As much as we can get."

The trapdoor opens with a clang. It echoes down the ladder, and I almost drop down it. The burning rage turns to a twisted sickening sense of guilt. His eyes are wide with fear. I purposefully slam the trapdoor, and lock it. No one can come in. And no one can get out. He swallows, the red line shining scarlet on his neck. But he talks before we do. "I'm not going to say anything." He hisses. Monroe snorts, and sits down on one of the chairs on the wall we didn't take away. She arches an eyebrow. I almost confess all my wrong doings, and I'm not the guilty one. I go to pick up the knife tucked in the back of my jeans, but she glares at me and I drop my hand. "You will." I growl. He smirks. Not a word. His eyes want to.
"For example!" Monroe's perky voice cuts through and makes me jump. "I see your wedding ring, you're married?" The man blinks, and stares at her. "A girl or a guy?" she chats conversationally. "Hmmm, no alert on the gaydar. A woman, Pretty?" she giggles lightly, leaning forward and resting her chin on her palm. The man's cheeks flush. Monroe ticks her tongue. I lean against the wall, casually waiting for whatever trick she's playing. "We had to choose the quiet one didn't we?" She laughs. "So, not pretty then? Ugly?" the man's face clouds.
"She's beautiful. The opposite of ugly. Even when the radiation got to her, she was still the most beautiful woman I've ever-" he stops, realising what Monroe had made him spill. She doesn't say a word, just leans in closer. He clamps his lips shut. After two minutes of awkward silence Monroe audibly rolls her eyes. "You impregnate her or what?" her tone is slightly impatient, but deeply intrigued. He flushes. "Impregnated." Monroe snorts. "Are they cute?" She twists her ankles together and leans back in the chair.
"She. Only one. She's four and loves butterflies." He smiles faintly, eyes glowing in memory. Monroe blinks.
"Oh! I thought you were like 40." She sounds shocked, but I know she isn't.
"28!" he splutters. She nods. Then the dark look crosses her face, the one that happens when people insult her friends or bring up Diana Sydney.
"What would you do if someone took your daughter?" Monroe hisses, smiling like this is a normal conversation, eyes light again.
"Kill them."
"So guess why we haven't killed you." Monroe claps her hands together, bouncing excitably in her seat. The guy looks at me in horror.
"Is she always like this?" he splutters. I grin, not saying a word.
"Answer my question. You clearly want to talk, and if it's not about your people, then at least let us hear about your family. You're going to be here a while." She stands up and twangs one of the seatbelts. He gulps, flinching, constricting.
"You want information."
"Exactly. YOU took MY kid." I try not to let the confusion blur my face. Monroe's a virgin. Hasn't even had her first kiss yet. She feels that's why Sterling is after her, she's "pure". But she's not. The man doesn't stop the confusion.
"You're like 16."
"You underestimate how much of a slut she is." I snicker. She mock glares at me, but I can see the accusations of the true slut in here. The guard giggles awkwardly. Monroe twangs the seatbelts.
"I wouldn't laugh." She giggles, then the dark look flashes. "I'M the main person you'll be talking to... Don't want me to..." she kicks him in the shin. He winces, she doesn't. She's shoe-less and doesn't flinch. An odd burn of pride floats through me. "Accidentally hurt you. Severely." She grins, eyes sliding to his neck. She walks back over to her seat. "And you see, the quicker you talk, the more likely you are to see your daughter." He perks up, taking it as we'll let him live if he tells us everything. He opens his mouth. And someone attacks the trapdoor. He snaps it shut. We walk down, and lock it behind us.
"We need you two on radio." Eric whispers, sitting on the bottom step of the ladder. We nod, and clamber down.

"Hey Abby, it's Bell." I smile down the radio. How do I explain this?
"Hey Bell?" she questions. "You're not Clarke though..." I swallow.
"Clarke can't come to the radio right now. She's on guard duty. There was this massive storm three nights ago, half of camps in ruin. We've got extra guards everywhere to prevent maunon attack when we're vulnerable." I ignore the way I could tell the truth. Abby doesn't want Clarke's life on her shoulders of worry. She's got the weight of the ark on them.
"Oh... Are the majority of the leaders there?"I pause. This is all of us for a while. We'll need to work out more excuses...
"Yeah, Me, Raven and Monroe are here."
"Well, you know you asked Bryan to find you guys winter and weapon supply store? He's found one." I turn to Raven in delight, pressing my hand onto Monroe's shoulder.
"Yeah?" Raven answers excitedly. "Where?"
"About 14 miles away, due north. A small town surrounds a lake. Somewhere on the banks of the lake is the entrance." Abby recites. I grin, and Monroe hops from foot to foot.
"We'll go as soon as we can." I grin down the radio.
"I'd suggest sooner than later Bell..." Abby's voice becomes pinched. "There's another storm on it's way." The happy thrill dies.
"Alright. As soon as our camp is safe, we'll go." I say curtly. Raven rests her head in her hands, massaging her temples.
"Okay... Bellamy?" Her voice turns to disappointed parent, and I can see the crinkling disapproval.
"Yeah?" My voice slows, tensing for whatever lecture I'm due for.
"Clarke's a little young for sex." I burn dark red, and Monroe snorts.
"Erm, what gave you the idea we were doing it?" I stutter.
The whole responsible thing... and your friends." I glare at Raven who grins and shrugs. "The ones that spoke about sex to the entire ark..." I grimace. Dammit. Monroe swipes silent tears of laughter from her cheeks. "I know you share a tent."
"In fours, we share with Monroe and-"
"I'd kill him if they did it in front of me." Monroe yells, leaning over the mic. It squeals feedback, and her nose scrunches. Abby laughs.
"Good... Well, I've got to go." She sighs. "Can't leave the hospital for long." The radio whirs to silence. Raven turns it off. The silence twists my gut.
"We have to lie." Monroe whispers, clutching the table. We nod, no words to say the guilt. Abby would be heartbroken if she knew.
"The ark have their survival to focus on, not ours." Raven eventually whispers. I nod, before pulling out the roughly draw map Clarke drew, a mix of one Lexa had sent back with us and the one she'd had since the start. The intricate pencil lines, ruled and pressed, stab into my heart. I trace the dropship with my finger. 14 miles due North does have a lake. "Who goes?"
"No one yet." Monroe responds, before walking back to the ladder. "Our people are too scared, we need to protect camp before we go and find the things to save us."
"Where are you going?" Raven asks.
"To find out more of our friend's personal life." Monroe grins. I snort as she crawls up the ladder.
"TAKE ERIC IN WITH YOU!" I yell up the ladder. Raven sits down and looks at me. "She managed to get the fact he's married, has a daughter and is 28. She's also pretended to have a kid, and only tortured him with a kick to the shin and twanging the seatbelt ties." Raven snorts, rolling her eyes and shaking her head. "We were up there for like 4 minutes." Raven grins. I walk out, and hurry from person to person, telling them that under no circumstances can we tell the Ark our people our missing. They don't like it.