the failings of a surgically healed heart | a collection

EPILOGUE

and here i am;

alone and abandoned, atop a bridge that joins adolescence to adulthood -
on my way to doing the things that make me happy:

and yes i lost a few allies on the uphill climb here. my father, for one, does not talk to me anymore,

but i've had to come to peace with the fact sometimes our loved ones do not love us enough to believe in us

and on my journey here; to this tipping point, i read the works of romantic era poets like keats.

identified with his fear of dying before reaching his full potential;

spent almost all my (social) life locked away in an art classroom where i was hard at work to the point of psychosis;

befriended the syrian girl who joined us a year before

as we worked on expressive pieces centred around the diasporas of our motherlands and ate the arabic bread her mum made her,

and when i was not asking her about her brother or islam or her countries civil war

i was thinking about the state of politics - i was thinking about it as a whole but also on smaller scale:

which is to say, the elective subject i need to get an A in if i'm going to get into the university of my dreams;

and sometimes i think to myself, in the grand scheme of the cosmos if i make it there or i don't - it doesn't really matter;

that i am most definitely going into a university next year doesn't really matter;

if i succeed or i fail doesn't really matter - not to my father or the universe;

but in a way it does, as well,

after all, we are made up of the same parts as universe; carbon, and oxygen and hydrogen and nitrogen

and we are here, and we are alive and these moments in our lives matter to us

and therefore they matter to the universe too

- lessons in adolescence

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Update: I wrote this a very long time ago and way before i knew about what uni I was going to. So I thought I'd let yall's know I did not get the A I needed in politics but I did get in the uni I wanted on an alternate entry route. So it all worked out in the end.

Also hey guys sorry I haven't been very active on here but I'm at uni now my room-mates are lovely I don't start classes until next week and I'm very happy to be away from home, how are all of you?

(Final, final update on Friday- that's won't be a poem more a thank you to all of you guys and telling you about upcoming projects).