broken || j.r.a. • book one •

16

Samantha's POV

After Zach made me realize that it was possible for me to lose Jack before they left for Los Angeles, I had felt very depressed and mopey for the rest of the day.

I had been standing outside the doors with Zach, Corbyn, and Jonah when I felt as if I was going to be sick..

"Uh, c-can you guys tell Jack that I went back to the house?" I say, squeezing my eyes shut and rubbing the temple of my forehead. "I-I'm not feeling so well.."

"Yeah, of course.. Are you oka-"

"Yeah, I just.. I just need to lay down..." I answer before Corbyn can even finish his sentence.

Then, just like that, I began to walk home..

As soon as I was far enough out of sight from the school, I began to ball my eyes out while I ran back to the house as fast as I could.. I had never ran so fast in my entire life...

Before I knew it, I had locked myself in Jack's bathroom.

I held the sharp razor blade to my wrist, contemplating on wether or not I should do it..

Just do it...

I wipe my eyes so I can see and hold the razor in the same position.

Do it already!

I didn't know what to do..

I hadn't cut myself in months... I had promised Jack that I would stop, and so I did..

Of course I occassionally had the urge to do it, but I always resisted... For Jack's sake..

But, I just couldn't do it anymore!

Just then, I cut a long, thin slit across the top of my wrist.

I wince a little as I wasn't used to the sting anymore.. But, it felt good as I watched the little droplets of blood come up out of the cut..

I made another cut, just under the first one..

With each slit, I felt a little more of my pain and sadness escape my body through the thin slit in my wrist... But, not enough was escaping.

Over and over again, I cut a slit just under the last one, until it was all the way up to where my elbow joint begins.

Realizing what I had just done, I dropped the blade onto the sink counter and went into Jack's room..

I sat down in my usual corner, and laid on the ground with my arm outstretched as I sobbed loudly.

Just then, the door opened.

"Samantha!" Jack yelled.

He ran over to me and pulled me into his lap.

He held my arm up, examining the slits as tears began to roll down his cheeks.

Quickly, he carried me back into the bathroom, hanging my arm over the edge ofnthe tub and washing the lityle bit of blood off.

Then, he wrapped all of it up with some bandages from the cabinet above the sink.

For a moment, we both sat there on the bathroom floor, silently.

Jack had his head placed in his hands as he stared down at the ground, and I just laid on the cold floor as I squeezed my eyes shut..

"W-why would you do that to yourself?" Jack asked, tears still streaming down his face.

"I-I'm sorry, Jack, I-"

"You promised you would stop.." He says, quietly.

"I know, but-"

"You promised!" He yelled, causing me to flinch.

"I said, I'm sorry, Jack.." I replied, sitting up.

"Yeah, and if you had bled out on my bedroom floor.. Would you have said sorry for that, too?!"

"Please, Jack, just calm dow-"

"Don't tell me to calm down, Samantha!" He yells again, making me flinch once more.

I sigh as tears were now beginnig to stream down my cheeks, too..

"Please, stop yelling at me.." I said, crying.

I hated beinv yelled at like this.. It made me feel worthless.. Unloved... Unwanted... Many other things, too.... That was my parents fault..

Jack sighs, wiping his face and running his fingers through his curls.

"Maybe I can help you..." Jack starts.

"You can't help me, Jack.. I can't be helped..!"

"Samantha, just-"

Before he could finish his sentence, I had already left the bathroom and was packing up my stuff into the bags in which I came here with..

"Sam, please, I-"

"Don't fucking touch me." I growled, slapping his hand off of my shoulder.

"Let me help you, Sam.. I can help fix you..!"

"I'm fucked up, Jack, but that doesn't mean I'm broken.. You can't fix what isn't. Broken!"

And, just like that, I packed all my belongings and placed them in the corner of the room.

"You know what.." I said as the tears streamed more and more, but I acted as if they weren't there at all. "Maybe I should call my aunt.. Get her to come and get me a little earlier...."