What Is Love

Say What?

I kicked at the air, sat on the edge of the infirmary bed, and wolfing down the giant dinosaur chocolate cookie I had baked for her. In the end, I sought refuge in the infirmary and ate my frustration away, in vain. Come to think of it, I was quite acquainted with this feeling. It had happened before, at a time when I still didn't know how to tie my laces. My hair was shorter and I could not even reach the first shelf in the kitchen. I remember being drenched by the rain, shaking with fear to the point that I could no longer walk. The world had felt vast then; a labyrinth. Such a dusty memory which fades into the darkening sunset.

"I'm sorry, Lucas! I failed-"

Yes, Failure is hard because it strips you of your dreams when you think you're close to actually winning. Everything is ruined within moments and all you can do is watch. You watch and you learn to live with it... For a moment, a very brief one, I had forgotten that I was born a failure. I let down my guards and dared to dream... Now, Fate was putting me back in my place. And the ache at my temples wouldn't stop, not even with the pills. Damn it!

"I can't keep you any longer, kid." yawned Raina, knuckles rubbing at one of her eyes. The raven strands of her straight hair flew down her back in a short ponytail, the front puffed up slightly to highlight even more her diamond face. She was just a nurse at our school, the type which did get many faking an illness. But if only they knew the clumsy nerd that hid behind squared spectacles... It was a habit of mine to seek her stupid stories, weird food experiments and that omnipresent crooked smile in times of solitude and mental drain. Weird how easy it was for us to get along... "Hilary has a competition tonight and I'm supposed to be the driver."

Hilary was the nine-year-old Raina would babysit after school to afford that shitty apartment a few blocks away. It still made no sense to me that she wouldn't move out, especially when I had proposed a quite enticing deal, but the woman had her pride. So I shot her a comprehensive smile and plopped myself off the bed. "Yeah, I feel better anyway."

A lie. We both knew it. But all she did was ruffle my hair and fix my glasses, sending me off with a, "Damn, you still look like a grumpy grandpa!"

That's how I found myself aimlessly wandering the hallways, unmotivated to go back to class and clueless to good spots for skipping. I really wanted to lunge a punch in Will's impeccably chiseled face but had a feeling it wouldn't leave a scratch. Damn him, that's not how it was supposed to go! Why did he have to always meddle in like that? Didn't he have anything better to do than to continuously ruin my life? And what if she did accept going out with him?... I rubbed at my temples, groaning. Was he worth getting a criminal record for?

"Lucas!" Josh's worried face suddenly popped in front of me, pulling me out of my daze. And I blinked at him, confused. "Are you okay?"

Somehow, in the midst of my stroll, I had started a fight with the wall, attracting quite a crowd despite myself. An arm wrapped itself around my back and I dropped my gaze to blood caked on my knuckles, frowning. I couldn't only feel tingles but I did wish it had really been his face.

"Let's get you out of here, buddy!" Josh tried, encouragingly. On any other day, his voice of reason would have me obediently tagging along but unfortunately, that was the very moment my gaze landed on her nectarous face. She was with Will, yet again, and it hurt so much. They were laughing, they looked happy... I had lost. My gaze followed as they disappeared together in a class and Will's friends stayed behind, guarding the closed door. It was like time had stopped and I was struggling against it, forcing my way through the sea of people. Who knew what they were doing in there? I had to do something; to stop her at all cost. It was all I could think of... all I could focus on. My mind was not working anymore; I had to get to her.