Twenty-one/ I Spelled It Out

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Y/n POV

Everyone thinks I like him. But I don't, I love him and people think I should ask him out. But i'm to afraid of rejection. I just love everything about him. I do want him to be mine, but I'm to afraid of what he'll think when I tell my best friend from the second we were born that I love him. I love him.

Does he feel the same? I question. He needs to know but how will I tell him? When do I tell him? What do I say? More questions. I don't understand, what do I do? I feel an undying passion for him and letting him slip away will be the biggest L in my life. Letting him slip away will rip a hole into my chest. It'll tear me to pieces and I can't feel that way again.

When I was eleven, my mother past away and my father was put in a coma. And he still hasn't woken up. They where in a bad car accident. He was there for me for years. I was broken. It took me so long to recover and through it all he stood by me. Not once leaving me if I didn't want him too. He stayed over my house, to watch over me, while my Aunt was at work. Now that I'm older and have healed enough, my aunt has moved away to New Mexico for a job. I have the house to myself. Usually he would spend the night over and we would have the most funnest times ever. Which would only make my love for him grow more.

I would, most of the time, fall asleep in his arms. When I tell him I love him i usually mean it. But he takes it as the ' best friend love. ' He tells me about this girl he has a crush on. And he usually ask for my opinion and what he should do. It breaks my heart seeing he loves some one else. And it breaks it even more when I realize that I'm just letting this go on. Letting him slip away like I said I wouldn't. But I can never keep something I love.

Next thing I know I'll be sitting in this same house alone and crying. Because the one I trust and the one that was there for me, isn't there. Isn't there and I'm even more broken thinking that my father will never wake up and knowing that for sure my mother won't. And now. He's gone to. I won't let him slip. But he still hasn't told me who the mystery girl is. And im getting impatient.

How will he react? Will he hate me? Will he think it's uncomfortable to sleep at someone who likes you house? Should I stop worrying? I want him to be mine and only mine. I want to spend the rest of my life with him. I know I'm repeating the same questions over and over. But that's only because they are the most important. I don't want to lose my best friend. I don't want him to go any where. I want him to stay I'm my arms. I want everything that has to do with him.

On every thing I don't want to lose him and this girl, every time he speaks of her his eyes glow and his face lights up. I don't know what or how to feel about this. I want to meet this girl and I wonder if she everything he says. If she is, I would want him to be with her. Because she makes him happy, and if he's happy I'm happy. Even if it means I'm not the one he holding at night, in his arms, cuddled into his chest. I'll wait for him.

Right at this moment I have no idea what I should be doing because the only thing I'm truly doing is sleeping, having a dream about the one and only. How we would look together. How our children would look. How our family would look together.

Of course I want him to be happy. But I don't want him to be with any one else. Unless I get to meet her first. If it's not me in those arms. Then I want some one better. Someone perfect. Someone I know he can trust. Because if she breaks his heart then my heart breaks. I will tare her to shreds.

Never would I ever want him to be hurt. I've seen him hurt. I've seen him cry. It made me cry. I was hurt. Some skank was cheating on him. But not only that, she was cheating on him with three different people. One a boy, one a girl and one was some one she's never met and doesn't even know the gender of. He was hurt that she was doing something like that to him and he actually like her. He bragged so much. It was ridiculous. But he got over in time. And he's better then ever.

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