crush • na jaemin

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I could spend days and years just looking at him and I would never be bored. My schedule never matched with Jaemin's so I would rarely see him during school days. However, I tried my best to keep an eye out and hope that I passed by him in the hallway.

Even seeing Jaemin once a day kept me happy. Whenever I felt down, he was the only thing that kept me going. Is this what it feels to love someone? Or is this just a simple crush?

The feeling when I spot him across the hall is indescribable and unexplainable. My heart starts pounding and I would be overwhelmed with so much joy. A smile would spread over my face. Sometimes I hope that he would notice me, but at the same time, I would lower my head.

     I was ashamed of myself – ashamed of the way I looked and dressed. I was covered in oversized clothing and wore these bulky glasses while everyone else wore round ones. I wasn't pretty either. I wasn't lucky to have perfect genes like the rest of the other girls in my school. I was probably the most hideous out of everyone. I was the definition of "ugly" and it's one of the nicknames that people associate me with.

     Maybe it's because I don't find the time to brush my hair smoothly like everyone else or because I don't wear makeup to cover up my blemishes. Maybe it's because I was just born this way and nobody will ever like me for who I am.

     All I knew was that I would never be considered pretty or one of those popular girls that all the boys liked. To everyone, I was just another irrelevant shut-in that has no friends and sat alone in the cafeteria.

I would wish that one day I would become pretty and be up against the beauty standards that everyone created. However, I know that wishes never come true. Especially ones like this.

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i've been on hiatus for so long, but i hope that you can enjoy this short story because jaemin is my bias in nct dream. homework and stress is constantly piling up so i'm sorry i wasn't able to write anything new besides this.

also i just realized this is the first fan fiction that isn't of bts haha. enjoy tho :)

- bluejeon.