Good night, Enemy (Published under PSICOM)

62 : The thing about acceptance

       "Don't worry," I smiled again, biting my lower lip. "I know how bad it hurts to be left hanging with a broken promise so I will never do it to anyone," I said, trying hard not to sound bitter.

       Denver suddenly grabbed my hands and pulled me into a hug—his left hand around my waist, while his right was around my shoulder. He buried his face on my shoulder as his hug became tighter, like he never wants to let go.

       I stared at the sky as I felt comfort in his arms again. I raised my hand and began to pat his back. "Let's talk... but not here."

***

       "Thank you!" I giggled as I grabbed the cup of hot choco right in front of me. As I drank, I noticed how Denver just sat right in front of me. He literally just sat there and stared at me with a worried expression.

       I placed the cup on the table and gave him a piercing look. "You're starting to creep me out, Denver."

      Denver didn't say anything; instead, he grabbed some tissues from the table and wiped my face like I'm some little kid.

       I avoided his hands and instead grabbed the tissues away from him, wiping my own face. "Ba't di ka nag-order ng hot choco or coffee man lang?" I asked but he just shrugged.

       "Are you feeling okay?" Denver finally asked. Pakiramdam ko kasi kanina niya pa ito gustong itanong sa akin.

        I took a deep breath and jokingly stared at the ceiling as if I'm thinking. "Yup!" I giggled, returning my gaze at him.

       "It's me, you don't have to lie to me," Denver said, grabbing a hold of my hand as he leaned closer to the table.

       "I know," I nodded my head and held his hand back. "Despite of everything that happened, you are still Denver Glenn Hawthorn—the boy who always made me feel comfort, the boy I can't lie to because I know I can always confide in you."

       "Does that mean you're taking me back?" he asked, a glint of hope in his eyes.

        Ayoko siyang paasahin kaya naman agad akong bumitaw sa kamay niya at umayos ng upo. Pilit akong ngumiti para 'wag siyang masaktan. Paano ko ba sasabihin 'to nang maayos.

       "You don't have to push me away just because you have ALS," Denver insisted, grabbing a hold of my hands again while looking at me intently. "I love you Braylee and there's nothing in this world that's ever going to change that! Fuck ALS! We'll get you treated, we'll find the best doctors, we'll get you healed, you will—"

       "Denver! Denver! You have to listen to me," I stood up and held his cheeks but that didn't stop him from talking fast and loud. He was on a panic, like he was desperate for his voice to be heard.

       "You won't die! I won't let you die!" Denver yelled, grabbing everyone's attention in the café.

       Finally, he stopped talking. He was chasing his breath. I let go of his cheeks and sat again, still looking at each other's eyes.

        "I love you, Braylee," Tears began to form in Denver's eyes. "And I won't let anything keep us apart, not even ALS. Nothing's ever going to change," he said.

       "B-but this changed, Denver," My voice cracked as I admitted, pointing my heart. I don't want to hurt Denver but I can't lie to him either. He has to know even if it means he'll get hurt. It's way better than lying.

       "W-what are you talking about?" Denver asked with his eyebrows furrowed. He looked so sad and confused that it's tearing me apart.

       "Three years... andaming nagbago sa three years, Denver," I said, as gentle as I could. "I loved you, Denver. I loved you so much that I forgot to spare some love for myself. When you left, I blamed myself for it. I mean oo nagalit ako sa'yo kasi bigla kang hindi nagparamdam ng napakatagal pero mas nagalit ako nun sa sarili ko. I hated myself more than ever. I thought that maybe the real reason why you left was because you thought I was too weak to handle your situation—"