Dear Jimmy,
Michael caught me staring today, he told me that if I ever stared at him again he would make me even more brain dead than I already am. His words don't hurt me anymore, I've been numb for a long time. I only ever feel emotion when I see him. My heart flutters every time I see him smile, even if it's not because of me. I love watching him, the way he moves, the way he laughs. Sometimes he laughs at me.
I'm not sure what I ever did to make him hate me so much, but he does, he hates me almost as much as I love him. Almost.
It's like he holds my heart in his hands and even though all he does is tear it into pieces I glue every little piece back together and hand it back to him hoping the outcome will be different this time. It never is. He tears my heart into tiny, jagged pieces every single time and he stands and laughs as I pick them up. It's not his fault though.
I wish I knew what to do to make him love me. I wish I could be what he wants, but I'm a freak and he deserves better.
He deserves the best, and I'm anything but the best.
Sincerelly yours,
Luke.
