The string.

1~Babysteps.

I look at Simon who has been playing with my hat. Tugging it and biting it, I smile, It didn't bother me it was cute to me. I sigh remembering I have school tomorrow, I groan and grab my phone. I shake a little as I look at Instagram, 'I can't go on like this...It's better off if my mom and dad don't know. Plus they won't even notice...I guess.'I only told Lana, She understood and supported me. Because I'm gay. I was stick to believing girls had a disease or most known as "cooties" Or some wack shit like that. So I distanced my way from girls then slowly growing out of that belief but my sexuality went the other way of course. It all happened at a party when Lana dragged me along. I was way too uncomfortable as people glared and stared at me and I felt it piercing in my skin and making me think I look weird. Or don't fit in. I had to put on a fake smile and act like I was having fun. I just didn't want to make Lana sad or her being mad at me. I had to put up with blaring music and drunk teens. I obviously refused. She didn't drink, I think but it was time for slow dancing. I took it as a joke and thought Lana was on board too. But I was so wrong at that moment. She smiled and leaned in for a kiss. I got nervous way too nervous. "Uh...Someone's calling me Lana, I have to answer it." I said, And I just walked casually and locked myself in the guest room closet. All I recall was that, Lana forgives me and always laughs when I tell her about it. I don't forgive myself for being a complete dumbass.
~
I laugh remembering it. I scroll through Ig and see a photo of someone familiar. Or at least I know who they are. But he doesn't. Jake. Looking at his name makes my heart beat. I squirm and act more gay. I cover my mouth not knowing if my family was out or not, I put my phone to my chest and hug it. "I'm so dumb to actually have feelings for him. He's straight...And I'm not visible to anyone." I bite my lip and throw my head back. 'I wish.'  "That won't ever happen. This isn't a fantasy of mine.." I said looking at the pale celling.

• Lana • Albert are you finished with the math homework? If you say no I'm not helping your ass this time.

I tapped on the icon and replied.
{Yeah I'm done. Don't think I'll always need your help 🙄😒 }

I yawn and hear my phone ding again. •Lana• Lmao alright. Btw I heard Russo is having a party this weekkkkk. You down?

{yeah and I'm not saying it to make you happy. I'm kinda tired of staying at my house.}

•Lana• Finally, Get some fresh air and stop being an introvert if you don't want anyone to be sus about you, ttyl I gotta study for my history test.

I turned off my phone and plopped myself on my bed. This world of mine isn't fun. I sigh and wish it was just easier, I can't keep on hiding, I agree on that with Lana. I find it just scary and nerve racking to tell others, Almost making my stomach twist thinking about it. I leaned and reached for my pillow. I hugged it as if it were Simon. And closed my eyes.

Ahhh sorry if it's short! It's just chapter one so I thought it'd be alright if it was shorter so you can get the idea. Albert. Instead of being a extrovert he's gonna be a smol introvert bean. :) if you have any feedback or ideas comment! ✨