change.

eighteen.

"There are two ways to get enough. One is to accumulate more and more. The other is to desire less."-G.K. Chesterton

The morning after I walked away from Harry I felt weird. I wanted to feel like a huge weight lifted from my shoulders, but it felt like an awkward emptiness in my heart and I didn't like that.

Plus, my brother hasn't died after all, and it still hasn't registered. I thought that if I said it to myself enough times it would finally click in my head, but that plan hasn't worked.

He's alive.

But you saw his casket, Elena. So I would shake that thought to the back of my head.

As I got ready for the photo shoot with 5 Seconds of Summer, or "five-sauce (;", as Luke so graciously texted me, my head was being weighed down with all the situations I was suddenly thrown into.

Connor. Harry. Luke.

Can I just zap all men from my life?

Harry and Luke, the other half of my brain. I called Niall about it when I got home, and he told me I needed a girl best friend, because he was lost. So now, I'm meeting his girlfriend and her friends. I had to start somewhere, and my sister is out of the question. I just returned in her good graces for doing my job, what I'm supposed to do.

"Harry ruined everything", I thought as I surveyed my outfit.

"And I let him."

I wore an outfit I dug out from the crevices of my closet, with pieces I forgot I even owned.

When I came home, I also began to strip my mind mentally of what I was before I let Harry take over every thought. I began by putting every single article of clothing I wore when I was with him in a bag to go to Goodwill.

It may not seem like it, but clothes carry memories as deep and intricate as the stitches that hold the material together.

I stopped trying to be a hipster and went back to being Audrey Hepburn. It's so funny, he told me not to change as I did a complete 360.

He watched me.

He let me.

He knew what would happen and he allowed it to happen anyway.

Shaking my head, I slid the light blue headband through my waved hair, pulling my bangs out from the band.

The skirt was knee length and retained a light tulle; it had a floral pattern and the base color was light blue.

My top was a simple white tank with a black bandeau underneath.

I wore white gladiator sandals and I had my trusty 90's fanny pack, armed with whatever celebrities need on set that assistants forget or don't have ready.

Another con to field work: it's demanding as hell.

At least I won't be with Louis today, but I was warming up to him.

I bade goodbye to my sister, who was also on her way out, and drove to our offices. Photo shoots are held in the basement; we really have an all-in-one in our Music Nation Chicago location, I love it.

I knew it would be cold in the basement, so I grabbed the jean jacket I had in the backseat and threw it on my bare shoulders as I pressed the elevator button to go down.

---

"Elena! You made it!" I look up from adjusting my skirt to see Luke holding two Starbucks cups and grinning broadly. He was coming towards me as Ashton was taking solo shots with our director, Felix. I smiled and hugged him hello.