I relapsed today. I don’t know why. I was really happy for two whole days! Not one sad thought! I was talking to someone who made me smile. And not just a small smile or as smirk, but a real smile. The kind that light up your whole face. The kind of smile the you can see in your eyes when you cover your mouth, because it’s that big. But then today, I didn’t talk to him. And I’m not sure what went wrong. But something did, something went very wrong. I went back to that dark place. That place that I had promised myself I would never go back to. I knew that I shouldn’t have done it but I wanted to, so bad. It was eating me up inside I tried to stop myself. But it was like I was talking to myself from the other side of the room like I wasn’t in control of my own body. And it wasn’t just one it was a lot. Until my arm looked like I lost a fight with a cat that hated me. They aren’t deep but they’re still there and that’s a problem. I don’t want them to be there. I don’t want to do it anymore. But at the same time I don’t want to stop. I don’t know what to do anymore.
