I’m trying not to cry… but I can’t seem to help myself. Tomorrow is our one month… I’m not even sure we’ll talk. I told him I’d be fine. And I know I will be… but I’m just not sure when I will be. I know I’m just being a baby about it… but I’m scared. I really don’t want to lose him. He keeps saying that he’s not going anywhere, and I really want to believe him… but I’m so scared that as soon as I believe it he’ll leave. And I know if he leaves I’ll die. Not physically… but emotionally and mentally. Even if he doesn’t mean to leave, I know it’ll kill me. I’m trying so hard to be strong and believe him when he says he’s not going anywhere and that everything will be fine eventually. I just feel like I don’t have the energy to be strong anymore. Sometimes I think it would be easier if I just gave up on everything and everybody… that if I just didn’t care about anything I wouldn’t have these problems. I feel like I care too much sometimes, or that I worry about nothing. And I know that I worry way too much about things I can’t control. But that’s how I am.
