"I ... I just wanted to say", I stuttered, my lips dry, "that I really like it when you hold my hand. So, I mean, you don't have to apologize because I like it and you can hold, I mean, if you want to, maybe, you can really hold my hand whenever you...
I am sorry this chapter is uploaded a little bit later than I anticipated, but I hope you look forward to it nonetheless. To avoid any confusion at the end - this isn't the last chapter. There is one more chapter left, and I am still thinking about an epilogue, but I will decide about this when the time comes.
For now, I hope you enjoy reading! Thank you <3
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One night, I dreamt that Kihyun died.
"Here." It was Jooheon that handed me a bunch of clothes. He was standing in front of my bed, his lips pressed together as his arms were stretched out towards me. "You should wear them."
"Why?" My mind couldn't make up a reason of why Jooheon would give me clothes, until I felt the fabric beneath my fingers and lowered my glance; they were black, all of them. Black trousers and a black button-up shirt. A black jacket and a black tie. "Jooheon?"
"Please, put them on." His voice was quiet, just a faint whisper in the silence. From somewhere, I could hear the distinct sound of rain. "Changkyun, please."
Although I was still mildly confused, I stood up from the edge of the bed, starting to undress. I laid my clothes down on the mattress before reaching for the black pieces, putting on the pants. As I was fixing the buttons of the shirt and the tie, I turned my back to Jooheon, trying to look into the mirror on the closet as a help. A pain shot through my finger, and I clenched my jaw, pulling my hand away and noticing I had cut myself on a particularly sharp button.
"Changkyun, please."
I stopped in my motion; it wasn't Jooheon that had said that, my ears told me as I turned around slowly, finger pressed against my lips, the distinctive taste of iron on my tongue.
"What are you doing here?" My voice was only a whimper, breaking in between words. "You --"
"Should be in Heaven?" Kihyun had a small smile on his lips, the corners of his mouth rising just the slightest. He was blinding me; all dressed in white. "I know."
"No!" I managed to call out, my breath heavy in my chest. "No, I didn't mean that."
"You're dressed as if you're saying goodbye." His smile died down. "I guess my funeral is going to be soon, then, isn't it?"
"Stop saying this." I could feel my own heartbeat in my ears. "You won't die."
He took a step forward, towards me, until I could distinguish his lashes, one by one, moving slightly as he blinked, looking up at me. "But, baby, I already did."
His fingers were on my cheek, wiping away the tears that were starting to roll down my skin. He was looking at me, regret in his eyes, his glance not once directed anywhere else than at me. "I thought I'd died when I woke up in clothes like this, but I wasn't sure. And so I came here to see you, and ..." His hand slid over my neck towards the collar of my shirt. "I guess I really did."
