The Princess Bride

Chapter 21

"Hey," he said soothingly, pulling me into his arms. I wanted to resist, but I didn't have the strength. I was crying too hard.

"I'm so sorry," he said, rubbing my back. "I've been such a fool. Can you ever forgive me?"

I was still crying too much to answer, but even if I wasn't I didn't know what to say. Was I just supposed to be okay with him having a mistress?

It was a long time before I could calm down. When I did, I didn't want to have to talk about it, so I didn't move. At least, not until Alex sat me up again. Then I avoided his eye.

"What's this about Madeline?" he asked, nearly setting me off again.

I didn't want to answer anyway, but I didn't think I'd be able to hold myself together if I did, so I continued to silently stare at the candle that he must have brought with him.

After a long moment, he put his hand under my chin and made me look at him.

"What?" he said gently.

A few more tears fell and I forced myself to answer him. "I saw you with her."

He looked puzzled for a second before he understood what I meant. He sighed and then pulled a handkerchief from his pocket to dry my face.

"What you saw was our discussion about the possibility of her leaving."

"What?" I squeaked, startled.

He smiled a little. "She's been here long enough to satisfy my father's demand, and a possibility has just come up for her to leave. She's quite eager for it, actually."

"Really?" I said, crying again, but this time they were tears of relief.

"Really." He smiled and patted my face dry again. "I told you I never intended to have a mistress, and I meant it."

I mustered a small smile.

"I'm sorry that you felt that wasn't the case," he said, looking repentant.

"You were so angry, and you kept pushing me away, and then I see you talking to her."

"I know," he said. "I'm sorry. Can you forgive me?"

As much as I wanted to work this out, I couldn't just let him off the hook.

"You really hurt me, Alex. You wouldn't even talk to me and I didn't know what to do."

"I behaved abominably, and you have every right to be angry, but I'm hoping we can work it out and move forward."

"Then talk to me now," I said.

"I knew you'd make me explain," he said, abashed.

Normally, I'd have laughed at his tone, but I was still feeling pretty stung.

"The only real explanation I have is that I'm terribly in love with you and sometimes I can get terribly jealous."

I smiled, just a little.

"I know I was being unreasonable," he said. "And having you point out how ridiculous I was acting didn't exactly soothe my pride."

I guess this was a little bit my fault. I'd known as soon as I said it that I shouldn't have.

"I suppose the thing that really bothered me was thinking that if you'd had more options, you wouldn't have wanted me."

"Alex, that's-"

He held up his hand to stop me.

"I know," he said. "But I'm trying to explain."

I sighed and nodded.

"You were right. Of course I wish you'd had more freedom and choices in your life, but I can't help but think that if things had been that way, I might not have you. And thinking that way scares me, but it also makes me angry because I don't want to take joy from your misfortune. And so I hoped, even though I knew it was ridiculous, that you were glad for it so I could be glad too. Seeing you with Reed, so relaxed and so happy was just a pointed reminder of the fact that without those restrictions, you'd have had scores of other options. You'd have been able to love someone else and you wouldn't have had to chain yourself to royal duty in order to do it."

"Alex..." I said, taking his hand.

"And as you pointed out, certain people were feeding those insecurities, making me crazy, and then I see him wearing the locket that I never, in a million years, thought you'd give up." He heaved a heavy sigh. "I attribute the rest of what I said to pure insanity."

Unable to help it, I laughed.

"Do you have any idea how difficult it is to argue with you? You're so rational. I felt like such a fool every time you pointed out my idiocy. Which of course just made me more angry and more irrational."

I smiled.

Alex touched my cheek. "Can you forgive me?"

"On one condition," I said seriously.

"Name it."

"That you never push me away like that again," I said. "That no matter what happens, you'll always talk to me and work it out. The very worst part about all of this was being so distant from you. I didn't even care about what you said after a while. I just wanted to be close to you again."

"I'm so sorry," he said. "I promise."

I threw my arms around him and hugged him tightly, so releived to be passed that.

"Now about that pink nightgown..." he said after a few minutes, making me laugh.

I leaned back and looked in his eyes. "I may have to make you work for that."

He looked to be accepting a challenge. "Unless I get you to agree some other way."

My stomach dipped at the look in his eye and he grinned.