Sexually, Homo

3

SUNDAY

Mr. Diary,

It has been weeks since I have written. I have been very depressed and overwhelmed and overworked etc. etc. over a thousand things in life. My studies are not really going well...and as much as I would not like to blame it on the realization-of-my-sexuality incident, I can't really help but do exactly that. I have been binge watching shows and films on Netflix and I am slowly transforming into a zombie, basically.

On the bright side of things, I did send a message to that neighbour-who-I-thought-was-straight-but-actually-isn't person. For starters, he didn't block me and we spoke at length about LGBT issues, this that and the other thing. His name is Prem.

I think I have feelings for him, I really think I do. And I would like to convince myself that he has feelings for me too, but I am not sure, really!

He has this disposition towards bro-zoning me. He hasn't said it upfront (thank the universe!), but I have a feeling. I do not want it to go that way, believe me. This is probably the first person who is not a hippie or a drug dealer (my sister told me they are not the same people) from the vicinity of my school, who I have had a crush on. A real-real crush. You can call it love. My sister, Hiya, calls it love. I am super confused. Like really really really confused!

Also, I am trying to concentrate on my studies because I know it is going to have good consequences for me in the future and all that. But I just can't bring myself to study! I just feel tired half of the time and hungry for the other half.

I have my finals from next month and I should just bunk procrastinating for a while. Also, college applications are killing me, did I tell you about that?

P.S. I went out with friends last night and I got a little tipsy and I think my parents figured it out when I came home (because I was behaving weird, I could sense it) and they didn't tell me anything. My dad was giving me this smug smile all morning today, however. I should probably give coming out to my parents a try or maybe I should wait till I go to college...

Sexually,

Homo