Never Good Enough \\ n.h. au

Seven

I sat down at the table, feeling my spine send a shiver through my body. It had been cold outside.

"Thank you, Mrs. Horan," I said quietly. My voice was a little rough, and I kept my head down. I still wanted to be polite, though.

"You're very welcome," she replied in a warm voice. I sat across from Niall with Maura at the head of the table. I served myself, all of us eating quietly. I was still emotionally unstable, but I kept it in. I had a shield that I had been building for a long time, and it was strong enough.

As usual, Niall and his mom talked, excluding me politely. I enjoyed that they pretended I wasn't even there.

"How's Harry?" she asked. I tuned in at that point, still seeming oblivious.

"He's..." I could tell he was struggling for words. I yearned to explain it to his mum, but it would be rude to assume that I knew more about it than him.

Apathetic? Blasé? Phlegmatic? Indifferent? Passive? I listed off in my head. I quietly steamed from the ears, and I remembered how mad it made me that Harry could ignore Niall, his best friend -- from what I was told -- and be okay with it.

"He's fine," he finally said. I looked up at him, furrowing my eyebrows on my forehead. He caught a glimpse of me and glared subtly so his mum couldn't see. Maura looked at him for a few seconds, but then lightly shrugged, and I almost felt guilty. All the emotions continued to multiply in my head.

I finished what was on my plate, and without thinking, I stood up and took my things to the sink in the kitchen. No protests rang out, so I continued. My inclination to do something was too high. I was going to explode if I didn't...didn't...

I set my stuff in the sink and hurriedly ran to the back door, seeing the lack of light outside but not caring. I still had my shoes on, so I slid open the door, running to get the basketball still on the ground from earlier.

I picked up the ball, feeling the water droplets roll off. I twirled it in my hands, hearing a door bark somewhere in the distance. While I shot the baskets, I forgot to be in correct form, but I could have cared less.

"You're not doing it right," I heard Niall say. I needed to be alone, and he needed to understand that. I raged inside, but tried to compose myself. He walked up to me.

"You're not very good when you're emotional," he observed, a dull tone in his voice, but I found the humor anyway.

"And you're not good with telling your emotions to people like, I don't know, your mother?" I accused, telling him to back up with my hands. He sighed. I shot once more and completely missed, groaning, and then feeling that groan slowly grow to a scream. I pushed it back down my throat, glancing at Niall just staring at me.

I realized that I needed to calm down. It didn't happen that often, but I went on rampages when I couldn't calm down fast enough. I started muttering nonsense to myself, feeling embarrassment flow through me like adrenaline. I think there was some of that, too.

I told myself to stop moving so I could focus on pushing myself to be normal. After all of the breakdowns, I had developed a technique that worked most of the time.

I stared at Niall, pressing my arms into my sides and squeezing my toes.

"Are you okay?" he asked me, sounding like a small child. I blinked a few times, nodding slightly.

You're Melanie. Melanie doesn't do this. Melanie shuts up and does what she's told or she loses friends, remember?

The very thought of losing Chloe balanced out everything very quickly, and I felt limp. Trust me, I didn't have any problems with my brain, but it really felt like it sometimes.

"You're different, Melanie," I heard him say. I was already staring at him, so I focused. The light from the porch didn't let me see him correctly, but I knew he could see me. I immediately pictured myself standing in front of him, fists curled, expression fierce, and let myself relax.

"Sorry," I sighed, pushing some hair behind my ears.

"There she is," he said, almost sounding annoyed. I didn't know how to please him. My normal feelings came back, and I turned around. The porch light flicked off, and I immediately looked to the sky. A few stars peeked out as wisps of clouds passed in front of them. The night sky fascinated me. I heard the dog bark once more and felt sane.

"That's Liam's dog," I heard him say beside me. I glanced at him. "He's annoying, but he loves you anyway."

"Liam or the dog?" I joked. Niall instantly chortled, and I knew he was tired. I could see it in his posture and mannerisms.

"I'm sorry, and thank you," he spoke up after a few empty seconds.

"For?" I dragged, wanting him to continue.

"Sorry for yelling at you, and thank you for...everything, really," he answered. His reply helped me not.

"Everything?" I wondered, craning to stare at Jupiter.

"Yeah, I just-" He cut off, and I turned to look at him. He shrugged, staring at the sky like I had been. We let the silence fill our brains and mouths. I didn't know what else there was to say.

The crickets, the frogs, and Liam's dog all seemed to fade away as I imagined travelling amongst the stars towards other galaxies, other universes, and other lives. Better lives.

"Do you ever wish you could reach up and rearrange the stars?" I wondered, still searching the sky, waiting for a shooting star to come around.

He chuckled like it was a stupid idea. "No," he said. I looked down at the ground. "The world isn't a wish-granting factory." I could hear the exhaustion in his voice, and I knew I was just wearing him out even more.

"I should go," I said quietly. When he didn't say anything else, I quickly looked away, walking towards the back door to get my stuff inside.

"Aw! Did you see that?" I turned around again, watching him look at me.

"It was a shooting star!" he exclaimed like he had never seen one before. "I've never seen one before." Oh.

"Did you make a wish?" I asked, disappointed that I had missed it.

"Yeah," he sighed, looking away again. I fiddled with my hands, knowing my words would only bother him more, but I didn't really care.

"What did you wish for?" I inquired. He sighed once more.

"I can't tell you or else it won't come true." And with that, I found nothing else to say, so I walked away.

.

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yayyyyyyyy okay bye

apparently i don't believe in cliffhangers because i don't ever have any oops

what do you think he wished for because i need some ideas xD

Mel x