Welcome to my reality (my life)

My beloved family

   Well, i'm guessing you may know me as wintress12477 or alisa12477 but my actual name is Alyssa Murillo, like every family I have a mother and father, i'm going to tell you the story of my family and this story will continue until I perish.When i'm older i'm going to look back on this and realize how much I've grown and what I've thought and done i'm sorry if this may disturb you but what can I say i'm only saying what's going on and what I think.

   Right now i'm typing from my laptop on my white desk as I sit on my pink chair, and no i'm not girly it's because when I was younger I loved pink but that younger me I used to know died in my eyes and died many years ago.That girl I used to know rests in peace, she was a pure saint, always loved everyone was kind and caring, the happiest person on earth even though she knew she was different.Besides that i'm a...well... I guess a crazy 8th grader, I wouldn't say normal, I know i'm different than other students I could see it right away and my friends are different than normal people to but I love them for them.

   I'm only 13 years old, my birthday is July 7th and I was born on July 7th of 2004, since that day it was a battle till now I was on my own, my mother left me at a very young age, she left me when I was a newborn.It wasn't her fault she just wasn't ready to have a kid, she left me on a couch at my aunt tia Secy's house, she didn't have the guts to face my tia secy.My father...well he is a different story, I never met him, I believe he was gone before I was even born, my aunts and uncles believe in the different theories.

   They believe it was a one night stand between my mother and left not knowing my mother was pregnant, some believed he was seeing my mother in private and that my dad already had kids and a wife but he didn't care my mother knew but she didn't care.some believed he just didn't want to be part of my life, maybe he died, but other than that no one has ever seen him the only one who knows is my mother.Strangely my mother doesn't want to tell me the truth, I don't know why I tried to talk to her but she avoids the topic, maybe i'm not ready or maybe she is embarrassed or ashamed.

   Whatever the reason is I will never stop trying to find out my true origins even if it kills me, i'm not like other kids who will give up finding their fathers or mothers, I want to know who that man truly is.I wish I could have had the opportunity to see my dad even if it was only one day for 5 minutes and only 5 minutes I will ever have with him, it would be enough time for me.I have always wanted to hug the man who also helped create me, I just wished he would have been there for me when I needed him, or when I needed a hug or at least the birthdays that I had.

   I would wish for every birthday that one day I would meet my dad, that he would show up and give me a big hug as I cry into his arms telling him how much I love him and that I forgive him for all the years he was gone.Every now and then I would cry, sometimes I would do it on my birthday at night when everyone was asleep, I had to cry silently because I didn't want to wake up my step sister to know I was in pain.Whenever I would cry I would cry alone in my room when no one was home because I would scream in pain because it was so painful to bear, sometimes I would cry for different reasons.

   When i'm writing this I almost cried, everything i'm pouring out is my heart, my truth, my thoughts, my feelings, and my reality including what I see.Out of all of us, there are 9 of us in all, which means I have 8 siblings it would have been 10 of us but my little brother died in a miscarriage.Me, Julio and Xavier were left by our mother that was supposed to love and protect us instead she does the opposite she left us.

   My 2 other brothers went with their dad while I stood with my aunt secy but something happened on the way but that's another story for another day.I have 7 brothers and 1 sister I love them all, sometimes I wish I could be there to help them, to be the big sister they deserve but I guess that will never happen.I only told you a small percentage of my story I just hope you understand what I had to say and I hope you tell whoever is caring for you, tell them you love them and give them a hug because one day they could be gone.

   Don't take advantage of your parents or your family because when you lose them it will feel like hell, it puts me in pain thinking all of the things I could have done with them, the world robbed me from a family.Even though they left me I still love them, it wasn't their fault, just appreciate your family because you have no idea how much you have, I sometimes wish I was normal but I still have a hard time accepting who I am.