Not My Obsession

trouble

What could I do?

He probably knows everything by now and if so, that means Thomas probably does too. If Thomas knows, it won't be long before all of my friends find out too. Or soon-to-be ex-best friends. Why do things like these happen....?

I was going to puke, or faint, or blackout...

I felt like I just got hit in the face and the next thing I knew I was on the ground, in total shock and pain.

• • •

"Emma, your mother, well, she's gone. They couldn't stop TB from spreading and among that she had a temperature above a fever. They don't even have a name for having such a high fever. She's been put out of her misery but she wanted you to have this," Dad handed over a light blue diary. It says "Scout" on the cover with a hot pink font color, my favorite. It has a white, lace back. The lined paper on the inside is the same hot pink as my name on the front. It was perfect... but my mom just died. I can't be happy. Your a selfish jerk, Emma. No, now your going by scout. Your mom clearly liked that name better. Without realizing what I had done, I had the diary in my hand with a pen and I was running out the door to my secret place in the forest.

I stopped at the edge of the forest, out of breath. Usually I get tired after a couple of blocks, but I just sprinted about 8 blocks in less then 5 minutes.

I glanced behind me. There was nothing, just as I had expected. This is how life would be from now on. Nothing.

I barely noticed a note tucked inside a page of my diary. I'm glad I did though because only one person could've written that note. Mom. Her name was Clarissa but everyone called her Claire.

My brothers and I made this poem for my moms birthday this year-a month before she passed-

Claire is my Claire-bear. Strong, tough, but with gracefulness. Gracefulness that would only come from a ballerina. We love her and know that she will bare from this horrible disease. Have a great 42nd birthday mama-llama. Feel better soon, we miss you playing with us on the soccer field.

Yes, we called her mama-llama as a joke but we couldn't be saying this for long after because her disease got worse very quickly after her birthday. The doctors said her disease had "rapid progression and it would soon take her." I didn't know what that meant until now.)

Anyways, the note was in the same font as everything else of the diary. It read:

Dear Emma Scout,

"Dear Sweetie, I'm not doing well right now and I don't know if I'll ever get better. I love you more than you'll ever know and I wish you could understand my secrets but I never had enough time to tell you, let alone you weren't old enough. I hope you write in this every day at the start of highschool. There is exactly enough pages for all four years. If you ever need help ask your brothers or father, they all love you but show it in different ways. Write everything down and I'll be able to see it from Heaven. These will be the best, but scariest years of your life, and you will finally figure out who you are suppose to be. I love you with all my might.

xoxo to the moon and back- mom.

What were her secrets? I may never know.

I started crying. I didn't know where it came from but I didn't try to stop. Somehow, this pain felt good, as if I needed this pain to make me stronger.

I stopping crying about 15 minutes later. I swear I had seen a little pool of water surrounding me from all the tears I had shed.

I crumpled to the ground and fell asleep, my diary held tightly in my arms, the pen I had brought about 20 feet away. I guess I had thrown it after I read mom's note to me...

• • •

"Are you okay?" A person asked. The person was male but definitely not my dad.

"Yeah. We just meant it as a joke. Dad's not home. We have to have a talk now that you're a high schooler." I finally recognized the voice. They were my brothers! God, I was stupid for not being able to figure that out before.

Now, what the heck is this "talk" about?