2am Habits (Bill Skarsgård love story)

Chapter 11

The sound of cars and random chatter was not letting me concentrate. Or that's what I wanted to believe. I wanted to tell myself that it wasn't Bill who kept me from writing, that it was the busy city life I had grown accustomed to.

I sighed heavily before I packed my things, not wanting to be here anymore. I knew this was bound to happen, yet I hadn't prepared myself for it.

I bit the inside of my cheek as I passed their table. Bill didn't even look up, he just continued to look at her the same way he had looked at me. I could hear her laughter and it was then I realized Bill had never made me laugh like that. He didn't seem like the funny type. It was like he was a completely different person with her, and maybe he was a different person with me than he was with the girls before me.

He hurt us all the same
But made it feel different each time.

Yet I wanted to meet who Bill really was. I wanted to
meet the real Bill.

I crossed the busy street, telling myself not to look back. I didn't want to cave in.

I successfully made it back to my apartment and felt myself slide against the door in frustration.

Why is this getting to me?

"Ella?" I heard Jessica call out from her room.

"Is that you?" She asked as her voice grew closer. She appeared from around the corner. I was still against the door, sitting on the floor with my books in my arms.

"Are you okay?" She asked as she gave me a concerning look.

"Tired" another lie.

"Okay" she said as she took a seat on the couch in front of me. She had a look of worry on her face and it grew concern within me.

"So.." she began to say as she looked at everything in our apartment except for me.

People really needed to stop doing that.

"So?" I asked as I continued to sit on the floor against the door.

Her eyes finally fell on mine before she spoke up again. She was wearing the PJ set I had bought her last Christmas. Her delicate fingers played with the plastic buttons on the striped blouse.

"I'm just going to come out and say it" she said as she took a huge breath.

"Okay" I responded quickly growing more anxious by the second.

"I'm moving in with Steve" she said quicker than she needed to. I sat frozen in place, my eyes were probably the size of quarters.

"That's a good thing right?" I asked.

"I'm so happy for you" I said as I jumped up to hug her. Her body felt stiff under mine, probably due to shock at my reaction.

When I pulled away I was met with her shocked face.

"You're okay with it?" She asked as her arms held mine.

"Of course!" I said with a huge smile.

"You've always wanted this" I said as I shimmied my body.

"Thank you" she said before she engulfed me in a hug.

I was lying. We'll sort of.

I wasn't the happiest about the news. I was scared to be alone, especially now. But I didn't want her to stop her life and achievements just because I was going through a personal crisis.

"When do you move out?" I asked, scared of the answer.

"Monday" she said as she bit her lip in nervousness.

"But don't worry!" She said.

"My financial aid will continue to pay for my half of the rent" she continued.

"Okay" I said. The rent was the last of my worry. It's not like it was ridiculously expensive. I was just afraid of being alone.

I was afraid of being alone

"Okay I think that's the last of it" Jessica said. Those were the last words I wanted to hear. She pulled the heavy luggage to the front door before she turned to look at me.

"Okay" I said trying not to let my sadness peek through.

Jessica stretched out her arms to pull me in for a hug. I knew both of us were trying not to cry. This was supposed to be a happy moment and we intended to keep it that way.

"Call me whenever" she said as she hugged me tighter. She wasn't moving far, probably like 20 minutes away from here but Jessica was the only
roommate I had roomed with since I began college in the big city so it felt like a huge distance to me.

I waved a final goodbye before the door closed gently after her, leaving me alone with the silence and my thoughts.

The rest of the day was spent watching movies and stuffing my body with unhealthy snacks. I didn't want to think about being alone. I just pretended that Jessica was out and she'd be home at any minute. It felt like I was going insane.

I checked my phone since Jessica and I had been non stop texting since she left. I knew she was only doing that because she felt slightly guilty for leaving me by my lonesome.

Without thinking twice about it, I checked my phone when I felt the familiar vibration of a text message.

I felt my heart drop when I read the name on the screen. It wasn't Jessica.

It was Bill

I opened the text as my heart slammed against my chest. I don't know if out of excitement or anxiousness.

"Hey, are you awake?" -Bill

My eyes quickly looked up to check the time. Bill had just texted me about a minute ago. My stomach filled with butterflies when I read the time on my phone.

2:03 am