SWIM // MITCHEL CAVE

30- listen

Jaz's POV

He was just staring at me. He couldn't speak, I could tell he was speechless at me being here and he looked like a sad puppy. His eyes were watery and it almost makes me feel sorry for him but then I remember how annoyed I am.

When Cat came round to mine I could tell something was off and she looked like she had been crying so as a best friend I naturally asked her what was wrong. I just didn't think the words that came out her mouth would have wounded me too.

"Jaz-"

"Don't" I say cutting him off.

He quickly shuts his mouth not used to seeing me so angry. I didn't want to hear his excuses, not now. It was too late now.

"How could you?" I say in a softer voice, tears threatening to spill once more.

"Jaz I didn't wan-"

"You kept it a secret from me!" I say louder "How long were you gonna hide it from me? Til the day before? The day you left? Hell maybe you would've just went on tour and dropped me a quick message letting me know then hmm?"

I was standing up now and standing as far away from him as possible. He tried to move forward but I only moved back.

"Jaz please listen to me" He begs.

"How could you not tell me?" I say in an almost whisper.

The tears were falling down my face now and I didn't care. I wanted him to know how much he was hurting me, hurting us.

"I didn't know how to baby, every time I thought about it, it killed me" He says shaking his head.

"That's no excuse Mitchel" I scowl "Don't you understand how hard this was for me to hear from someone else?!"

"You think this isn't hard for me too?" He shouts back.

"At least you knew!" I defend.

He closes his eyes slowly and breathes in and lets out a deep sigh before looking to the side avoiding my gaze. He knew he was in the wrong, he didn't have a valid argument.

"I will make it up to you baby I swear" He whispers walking over to me.

He brushes his hand through my hair and pulls me into his body. For a moment I'm weak and I let him, I breathe in his strong smell of aftershave and tobacco. I let him hold me and stroke my hair while the tears fall out of my eyes. I can barely see from them.

I shake my head and pull away again, pushing him off me. A flash of hurt crosses his face and I try not to focus on that but on the words I need to say.

"You can't just hug me and make everything okay Mitchel, it doesn't work like that" I say emotionless.

He looks down at the ground in defeat, it sparks sympathy but I refuse to succumb to him. This was too big a deal, he kept it from me and while his intentions might have been to protect my feelings, all he ended up doing was hurting them more.

"I'm going to go" I say deciding I can't stay here any longer.

I start to head towards the door but he blocks me saying over and over again that I can't. I ignore him and his pleas as I keep a firm face while successfully pushing past him.

He grabs onto my sleeve pulling at it trying desperately to stop my leaving.

"Please don't go Jaz" He begs "Please"

He was starting to cry now and it was taking everything in me to walk away from him, I was now doing my best to walk down the stairs but he continued to follow me, relentless in getting me to stay.

As I reach the bottom I see everyone is now home; Jesse, Clinton and Christian were all silent and staring at the whole scene Mitchel was creating. I've determined they probably heard our whole argument but I don't even care, they must have known it was about to happen sometime. They all knew too.

I was getting closer to the door now and Mitchel was almost on his knees at this point falling down in a last attempt to prevent my inevitable exit.

"Get off me" I sigh "Mitchel please"

I was barely holding myself together at this point, I was still sad and annoyed and everyone was watching, Mitchel's sad eyes were burning into mine and I knew that in a matter of weeks I wasn't going to see them in any form.

Christian has started to intervene helping pull Mitchel off of my leg and I give him a curt nod in thanks as Mitchel continues to wrestle around.

"Don't go" He pleads one last time as I open the door ready to go out.

I can't find the words to help either of us so I simply shake my head and exit the house without ever turning back.

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Mitchel's POV

"Christian get off me!" I scream at him.

I was desperately trying to free myself from his grip and to somehow find Jaz, run after her and beg on my knees til she came back. I couldn't lose her, not now, not ever.

"Mitchel she needs time" He says in the most calming way he can.

"We just need to talk" I say but it comes out more of a whimper.

"And you will" He replies "Just not right now"

I stop fighting him because I know it's no use and judging from Jaz's face, it was evident she didn't want to listen to me.

I pathetically pull myself off the floor and flop down on the couch with a loud sigh. I was slightly embarrassed with my behaviour and that everyone had seen me in such a state but I just couldn't bear the thought of my girl walking out on me without giving my all to try and make her stay. But it wasn't enough.

I hated seeing how much I had hurt her, I had never seen her so upset. It was killing me and I just wanted so badly to kiss it better but she didn't want that. She needed more from me and I had to provide that. I just didn't know how.

"How the hell am I gonna fix this?" I ask.

"She'll come around, she just needs time" Clinton comforts.

"I've fucked it all up" I whisper to myself more than the boys.

I hang my head in my hands as I sigh for what felt like the hundredth time today.

"I fuck every single thing up"

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Sad chapter and sorry to say there's more of them to come :( not many left to go til we're onto our sequel which I have big things planned for but if they are good things? Well that's a different story 😈

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