08 - I'm Lovin' It

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"Rokim . . ." I grumbled. "Are you sure about this?"

He sat down and folded his legs. "It's supposed to relieve stress."

"But . .  won't it be weird?" I asked, reluctant.

"No. Just relax and it'll be fine."

"If you say so." I flopped down, crossing my legs underneath me. I watched skeptically as Rokim tapped 'play' on his phone. An ethereal female voice immediately floated from the speaker.

"Emptyyyyy your miiiiiiind . . ."

"Oh, god," I muttered. 

"Shh!" Rokim hissed.

"Why? It's not like she can hear us!"

"Just shush!"

The woman's voice continued to speak in low, languid tones. "Feeeeeel the energy flowing through your body. Can you feeeeel it?"

"I knew this was a bad idea."

"Just give it a chance!"

"Cloooose your eyes . . ." 

I watched incredulously as Rokim actually followed this random lady's orders. I eyed the phone suspiciously.

"Now," the woman breathed. "In order to begin the de-stressing process, we must remind ourselves . . . of the good things in life . . ." 

"Why does she throw in random pauses like that? Is she trying to make me uncomfortable?"

"Han, if you don't shut up, I swear to god . . ."

"Okay, okay! Yeesh . . ." Sighing, I grudgingly decided to go along with it. Benefit of the doubt, right?

"We'll be going over some question-and-answer type exercises . . . envision my words, and you'll be sure to feel more . . . relaxed . . . by the end of the session."

"If you say so," I mumbled quietly, followed by a sharp tch! from Rokim.

The woman began, her voice airier than ever. "Visualize . . . your happy place . . ." 

"Huh," I murmured. "Easy. McDonald's." 

"Visualize. That means no talking," Rokim admonished.

"Hmph," I grumbled, but piped down anyway. Still keeping my eyes closed, I waited impatiently for the lady's next words.

"Picture . . . an enjoyable activity . . ."

Okay, I thought. Cooking.

"Favourite genre of music . . ."

Classical, of course. Piano

"Your proudest moment . . ."

First blue ribbon.

"An important possession . . ."

Knife set.

"Most precious person . . ."


"O-kay!" I bolted upright, grabbing the phone and spamming the 'stop' button. "That's enough of that, don't you think?"

Rokim opened his eyes, exhaling loudly. "You lasted longer than I thought you would. Congrats."

"Where'd you even find this lady?" I asked scornfully, tossing the phone on the couch.

"Searched up 'stress relief meditation.' She was the first hit." 

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