Counting down the days...

Long story short

I have an important question to ask you all; what is the meaning of life? Like we don't have any purpose on this planet, we live and then we die. Simple as! I still have so many questions lingering in my head, why is there life? Can't we have a choice to live or not? Can't we just die as our choice if we don't wanna live any longer? It's not as if anyone will be able to answer these stupid questions. Being a girl ain't easy at all! Nobody will understand how hard life can be for a girl. You might be thinking I'm being a sexist brat, but I'm seriously not! Anyway, my names Jasmine Walsh and I'm 16 from Pennsylvania. I have got long blonde hair dip dyed in light blonde, grey and blue eyes along with a few freckles on my cheeks and petite nose. Rose tinted lips as soft as petal. I have one friend named Ethan and he means the world to me, I don't know what I would do without him! We have quite a funny story from the first time we met each other all the way back to kindergarten...

~~~~~~ (9 years ago) ~~~~~~

I was walking into kindergarten with my slightly older brother, Thomas, waving goodbye to my mom full of smiles walking into my class while Thomas scurried to his little hanger. My face always droops when I enter my classroom since I didn't really like anyone in the class. I always looked sad to them, and nobody likes a sad person do they? Sitting on a brightly coloured carpet in the corner of the room along with the small ball pit to my left and a big, blue bookshelf beside me since I always felt safe near it. The teacher walking in with a new student named Ethan, he was a small boy with light blonde hair with chocolate brown eyes. He looked a bit sad too, you know what nice thing I did? I just stared at him with squint eyes. Of course that was going to scare the boy, but to my surprise he laughed. I was so confused because I wasn't trying to make him laugh at all. Was he laughing at a kid in front of me? Maybe so.

Play time came around quickly, once the teacher dismissed us, I dashed to the door, grabbed hold of the handle and bolted to the swings at the back of the playground. Everyone loved the slide, see-saw and climbing frame, I was the only one who loved the swings. Maybe nobody come over since I had such a serious face most of the time. I saw the new boy Ethan walk out the door looking all shy and sad, I just stared again. This time he didn't laugh, he stared at me too. Soon enough we were playing a classic staring game, must've been staring at each other for about two minutes and then he turned his back to walk back inside. It was fun while it lasted I guess.

The next day of kindergarten, the usual happened. I walked with Thomas into school waving goodbye to mom. Walking into the classroom to sit in my favourite spot of all, the corner with the ball pit and bookshelf. As I was walking over there I suddenly felt a tense atmosphere, it was as if gravity became heavier. Pausing and slowly turning my back to face a face in my face. It was Ethan staring right into my eyes about 10cm away from my face. I thought that was a bit odd but before I could sit in my seat in the corner, he grabbed my arm and backed up a bit. My eyes grew as wide as anime eyes, I cried "get off of my arm!" obviously knowing he wasn't going to let go of my arm. Surprisingly, he let go of my arm, shyly looked down to his feet and put his hands behind his back. The first words that I heard him say were "will you be my friend?" Of course I blatantly said yes and hugged him. When I hugged him I accidentally pushed him over and that caused me to being on top of him, only centimetres away from his face. Getting up and brushing my knees a bit with all the dirt on the floor, I said sorry and we sat with each other with the other kids who were all shocked that he had made friends with me. Even after that nobody wanted to be my friend, but that was okay since I only needed Ethan.

~~~~~~ (Present time) ~~~~~~

To this day me and Ethan's friendship has been stronger than ever and I'm grateful for that! We both share our secrets, problems, struggles, homework answers, basically everything. I feel safe around him, and he feels safe around me. We don't always sit next to each other in class, nevertheless, we are in every class together which is a big relief! I can't deal with everyone else in the school at the moment. But there is this one guy that I like, Joey Walker. Every girl dreams to be with him, since he is one of the 'cool kids' of the school. He goes out with the biggest bitch ever, Brittney Harris, the girl of every guys dreams. Platinum blonde big curled hair, clearest skin of all, slim waist, small thighs, perfect sized chest. Just everything a guy would want, but the list could go on and on about how 'perfect' she is. She treats me like dirt, but at least Ethan has enough balls to defend me. I really don't care what Brittney says to me because I know its true already.

My life seems pretty good doesn't it? If i was someone else, I would think so too. But my life is not as simple as that. You see, I suffer with depression and anxiety, along with a new problem which is panic attacks. My depression and anxiety started about eight months which isn't all that bad but I do feel like I've had them for years and years. The problem is don't know myself what started to cause the panic attacks. They started about three weeks ago on a Thursday night, I was just in my room talking to Ethan and it just happened. But my theory is that when I daydream, I think of nice things, but then that disappears and my worries come and attack my mind so I just feel so dizzy, stomach ache and just constantly shake. Ethan also suffers with anxiety and depression, which means he understands my problems and I understand his problems. He has been suffering ever since he was 8 years old, that's why he looked so sad in kindergarten. Another thing he suffers with is Ednos, which is an eating disorder. It basically means you don't eat a lot of food, but not to the point you become anorexic. I have given him so much advice and my help, he is actually eating more so I'm happy I've helped in some way. I don't focus on myself you see, and I never will. If I don't put others before myself, I feel so guilty that I didn't help them. That's the same when i try and help someone, it doesn't help them and then i just feel completely useless. This is some serious deep shit right there, but no you know what's wrong with me and Ethan. It will be a long process for the both of us but I know that we will be able to figure out a way to stop all of this. I promise the both of us, before anything else happens...

~~~~~~ (End of Chapter 1) ~~~~~~

A/N: Hey guys! I just wanted to let you guys know that my other story I wrote, Smile, I've deleted it because i literally confused myself and i was just winging it. But trust me on this story, I know exactly where I'm going with it. I've seen enough inspiration and imagination for it. With this story, if anyone I know personally reads this then just to let you guys know this is about my mental health and my feelings. I don;t like to admit my feelings but I just thought I could express then through this story. Everyone else, don't stop reading this if you think it's going to all be about deep stuff, because I'll make sure it's not all just about it! That's all I wanted to say for now...... WAIT! One more thing, I don't know how often I'll be updating this because as you know I'm suffering with depression and anxiety and I do get a lot of writers block. But I promise you all this will be a finished book! Okay see you all next time :):