Three Alphas, Three Mates

Chapter 27 - All or Nothing

It dawns on me, slowly and then all at once, that I'm not just lying somewhere anymore. Someone's holding me. I feel the points where they're body makes contact with me, as if holding on for dear life. I see the hall, but then I don't. It's like an abstract painting. Nothing's quite right about it, or me. I don't feel myself.

Just like back then I didn't feel like myself. I felt like a fraud, a crook.

One time, Megan broke her arm and she didn't even think it was worth mentioning when I got back from the hospital. There was barely any space left on her cast for me to sign (mainly because Michael decided to write his full name for no apparent reason, and then Charlie did the same thing—with the help of Michael of course. And then Dad followed, not being one to let Michael one up him on his own daughter's arm. And then Mom got to the markers before me, and in the end, there was half an inch left for me to scrawl on my initials).

What I'm trying to say is, there are worse lies to tell than being okay.

The next second I'm in a room. There's a woman. Beside her, there's Carson. No, above me there's Carson.

Carson.

He places me down on the sheets, but I try to sit up and tell him not to call my mom. I don't exactly remember why I needed to tell him that, but I'm sure it's what I need to say. I just don't move, and neither do my lips. I try to force the words out again, but nothing happens.

I feel pressure on my arm. It's not painful. It just rubs against my arm gently. I think Axel before I even see his face, because it takes me forever in a day to shift my eyes in his direction. I see a figure by the far wall. Aiden. His mouth is moving, maybe talking to Carson or the nurse. I don't know. I can't hear him.

It hits me then, I passed out. Then it feels like I always knew it. Of course. Of course, I passed out, and now my family's gonna know if this nurse doesn't keep her mouth shut. I try to get my voice to work so I can convince her to. Don't underestimate me, I've done this a million times.

Usually when I go to a new school, I can just finesse my way into them believing this is a normal thing, because the fainting spells won't last that long. I'm already awake, see? I'm fine. Let me go. I just didn't eat breakfast. She'll pull out my file. She'll see my heart and lung stuff and try to call an ambulance, but I'll just smile and say, "It hasn't caused me any trouble in a while. I know what it feels like. This isn't it." The records will prove I've been "fine," so she'll agree not to call 911. She'll try to send me home to rest.

I'll say my parents are working. Please don't make them have to pick me up. We're so poor, don't bother them. They need to make that money so my little brother and sister can eat. We get by just fine, don't worry, but we won't if they lose those jobs. I'll wipe my tearless eyes for dramatic effect. She'll be reluctant, but eventually she'll agree as long as I sit in her office for a while. She'll let me go after giving me some food and making me promise I'll go get checked when I have the time. And she'll threaten me too, with a smile. "If I see you again..." She'll narrow her eyes playfully.

I'll smile and laugh. "You won't, don't worry." Because I'll be off to a new school by then. And I'll put on the same act with the next one. It'll work, it has too, but then... My eyes shift to the brothers. Crap. They know too much. Where are my privacy rights? Get them out of here.

What a bad day for this to happen. But then again, what day would be good for this?

Thee way I see it, there are two ways to be sick. You can be sick and act sick too, and then feel worse on top of your already existent problems, or you can act healthy. It might not be the medically sound decision, but acting healthy has given me so much more time to live—really live—than just lying around waiting for another hospital stay, surgery, or prescription. The only issue is I might have less time now because of it, which is another thing that keeps me from telling the truth. It's too late now. I don't want to know. I wonder the worst because that's all you can think about in a situation like this.