Point Of Views

To Whom I hate the most

TO WHOM I HATE THE MOST.

written by Edlairke.

Dear to whom I hate the most,

Why do I hate you? Why do I always roll my eyes whenever I see you? Because I envy you. Yes, I envy you being the happy one. You have friends that will never turn their back on you. You have friends to laugh with and share some memories that I have always been wishing. When the fact, I don't have any. I envy you, just being so carefree and alive every time I see you smile with them. How can you be so perfect just being yourself? You have parents to support you in every dream you wanted, parents that I never had in my life, they left me because I was not that precious and lovely like you.

I loathe you.

I loathe you because every time I push you away you would always give me your warmest smile and again, you said those words, "I won't give up just because you always push me away like you did to them. I will always be here to be your friend." I left you and I cried. I cried because how can you be so sure that you will be my friend? I never ask you to do that, I never ask you to be my friend because I don't need one. But then again, you were too stubborn to listen to me.

I despise you.

I despise you, despise is a strong word that I could use so you can left me, so you can leave my life and never change it again. I shouted at you that day, "I hate you! I envy you! I've always loathe you! I despise you so much! Leave my life as it is!" I thought you will walk away like everyone did, but just stared at me that time. No expression, I cannot read your emotion.

Then, you pulled me into a hug.

I cannot hold back my tears anymore, I cried in front of you. I hit you in the chest, "I hate you.." How can you be so sweet with such simple gesture? You moved a little, and kissed my forehead. "I want to keep you." I was stunned. I do not want to ask for more.

I ran away, I was the one who ran away after the confession. And I regretted the day I left you. I regretted everything that made me hate you more.

Someone called me, and mentioned your name, I thought it was just a joke, I thought you were just making fun of me but then again, I was wrong. I fell into the ground and having a hard time breathing. I loathe you so much that I wanted to hurt myself all over again.

I stood up and started to run again but this time, I am running back to you, into your arms.

I realized that I do not need a lot of people in my life, I just need a few people who could appreciate my existence. And that was you.

Unfortunately, I saw you lying there no sign of miracle yet. I sat down beside you, and held your hand. I want to be the first one that you will see when the time you are ready to open your eyes again. I will wait.

I hate you, I loathe you, I despise you but ended up loving you all over again.

Love,
A.