Anatomy Of Love (Camren Fanfiction)

Chapter 7

Camila walked in circles around her bedroom and began to inhale and exhale as regularly as possible. Usually that was enough to guard off an attack but this time was different. She couldn’t stop the negative thoughts that ravaged her brain. You have to fix this. This needs to be perfect. You can’t mess this up. You ruined her. This is all your fault. Guilt swirled around her like dark black smoke, rising, tainting the very air she breathed. She could smell it, feel it wafting over her exposed skin, raising gooseflesh. Everything around the room began to morph- the 1975 posters on the wall, the city lights that passed outside her window, her reflection in the mirror.

The first thing to change is the air itself, which seemed  to become thick, making it impossible for Camila to take a full breath. Her visual field filled up with tiny corpuscles, little blotches that that the made the horizon shake.Oh this is going to be bad, she thought. This is going to be a full blown attack.

Her world lost solidity and her senses began to react instinctively. Camila’s hands soaked in sweat as her mouth became completely dry. Without realizing it, the muscle in her jaw tightened and her neck felt as stiff as block of marble. She pulled on her hair in frustration and clenched her fists by her temples. She heard the blood pounding furiously in her head. She felt like a wire and electricity was charging through her. Camila struggled to breath as she felt helpless beneath this vicious attack. Each breath felt like a knife stabbing her heart open. Thoughts flapped around in her head like birds on speed. She couldn’t stop them. Her only remedy was Lauren. She felt this terrible need to just collapse in her arms and let herself breathe. Dizziness made the room spin around, darkness came over and Camila felt herself hit the ground.

Lauren rushed into Camila’s room the moment she heard her body thumping onto the floor. She pulled Camila’s head onto her lap, knowing exactly what to do in this situation. Although it had been years since her last attack, Lauren sprang into action. She frantically tapped Camila’s cheek with her right hand while her left hand rested against the base of Camila’s neck. Lauren looked up at the clock and counted a pulse rate of 130. Camila’s chest was heaving so erratically as she struggled to catch her breath.

“Camila!” Lauren cupped the younger one’s face into her hands. “Camz, look at me,” Lauren said as she lightly stroked her cheek, letting her fingers linger on the baby-soft skin. 

Camila’s eyes blinked rapidly as if she couldn’t focus.She heard her name as if from far away. She came to slowly, remembering where she was: laying on Lauren’s lap while the older one tenderly stroked her face. Wisps of her dark brown locks had come free from her bun and drifted around her face. Lauren carefully brushed away the escaped hair and tucked them behind the smaller ones ear. Those smoky-green eyes held so much compassion and love that it nearly broke Camila’s heart. “You’re safe, Camzi” she whispered in a warm, reassuring tone as a small smile lifted the corners of her lips.

Camila tried to say something but her throat constricted tightly making it difficult for words to surface. 

“Shhh baby,” Lauren said while running her fingers through Camila’s hair, twisting the ends around her fingers. “I just need you to focus on slowing down your breathing. Okay?”

“Laur… I can’t … I need to fix this…” Camila stammered. She tried to pull herself up quickly, so quickly that her breath caught and the pain in her head intensified. Camila’s hands were shaky and her tired eyes locked with Lauren’s. Her cracked, colorless lips quivered as she tried to bite down on her bottom lip to stop them from shaking. The tenderness that Lauren felt for her friend was so sharp it was almost pain. It was painful to see Camila in this condition and she wanted to do anything to make it stop. Lauren pulled Camila to her chest as she felt the younger one shiver against body. Camila clung to Lauren, frantically wrapping her arms around the older ones neck. Camila buried her face in the crook of Lauren’s neck as she trembled. 

“It’s okay Camzi,” she whispered, “I forgive you. It’s okay”. The green-eyed beauty brushed away more wispy curls from Camila’s temple as she gently rocked her. “I love you,” she repeated soothingly. “Relax, it’s okay.” Lauren embraced her until she felt Camila’s breathing slow down to regular pace.

Camila leaned back and faced Lauren. Their gazes met, a clash of emerald and blazing jet. “I’m sorry,” she whispered, hearing how small the words were. Tears filled her eyes as she reached out and let her knuckles graze Lauren’s warm cheek. “I was irrational and scared and jealous.” Camila’s voice broke a little making a tiny desperate sound. “I know its stupid but I don’t want to share you with anyone.” Her voice was the faintest whisper, wavering and unsure.

Lauren’s eyes darkened and a slight frown formed on her face. Slowly, almost as if it was drawn by something other than her will. She tried to process Camila’s words; the younger one was implying something that she just couldn’t grasp. Nothing made sense to her anymore. Why would Camila be jealous and why did she feel threatened around Jackson. In normal circumstances, Lauren would categorize her actions as one of a jealous lover. Something had changed with Camila in the past few months and she desperately needed to figure it out. But now was not the time to think of it. Lauren traced the dark circles underneath Camila’s eyes and sighed.

“Babe, we have our first class in a few hours and we both look like zombies.” Lauren squeezed the younger ones shoulders. “You need sleep,” she says, leading Camila to her bed. Lauren pulls down the the covers and guides her down. 

“Laur, stay with me,” Camila whimpered, her huge puppy-dog eyes staring into Lauren’s orbs. She scooted over on the tiny bed, making room for Lauren, and lightly patted the spot beside her. Lauren lays beside her and drapes her arm over Camila’s waist and fits her chest to Camila’s back. The younger one nestles closer to Lauren leaving no space between their bodies. Lauren pressed a light kiss on Camila’s neck as her eyelids fluttered shut.

A faint smile appeared on Camila’s lips for a moment, convinced that no one else would ever make her feel as warm as Lauren did. Somewhere deep down, in her labyrinth, her intricacy, the darkest part of her soul, she relished the mayhem. She felt a sense of privilege for having such passion in her life even though it was one-sided. Lauren stirred her core. And that kind of love was addictive.