To Love the Rain

Chapter Fourteen

When I dreamt, it was of Alex's tear stricken face.

Maybe this was the first time I actually confronted my demons, but I realized that the world's a cruel, harsh place.

How could God let this happen?

I mean, Alex had been going to church for as long as I could remember. She was good, and kind, and beautiful and smart and every damn adjective in between. She never sinned, and never, ever did anything wrong. She always went to school, never missed any homework assignments, and always attended church service on Sundays! Out of everybody I knew, she was the only one who had a guaranteed ticket straight to heaven after she died. I mean, she did freaking community service in her free time.

Community service!

So why?

If He made her, why would He make her the exact opposite of how He wanted her?

Why would He do that?

Seeing Alex's face, all crumpled in a miserable expression, I suddenly got pissed. She didn't deserve this! She didn't deserve it at all!

When we were younger, she used to recite all the stories her dad told her, stories about God and Jesus and the Ten Commandments. She used to love the stories of how Moses split the Red Sea, and how Adam and Eve lived in the Garden of Eden. She used to treat me to tea parties, and gush about how she was the only one in her youth group who could recite whole passages of the Bible!

Her favorite one was Jeremiah 29:11.

For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

"Those are some big words Lex!" I had gushed the first time I heard it, impressed. We must've been around eight, or nine around the time. "But... what do they mean?"

"Mmm," she thought for a moment. "I don't know Mermer! But Daddy says it means that God will give me a super handsome prince when I grow up! And I'm gonna be a princess, but not just a boring princess! I'm gonna be a super princess and fight dragons with a super sword! And you're gonna be there too!"

I pointed at myself with chubby fingers. "I will?"

Alex beamed underneath the sunny, cloudless skies, making her blonde hair look like golden fire in the sunlight. "Yup! You can be my prince, if you want!"

I wrinkled my nose. "Ew, no! Cooties!"

That was the first time she had recited it, but it certainly wasn't the last. By the time we were older, she had practically memorized every single line in the Bible. Even today, the church still held her up as a role model for the younger kids as they went through their youth groups. However, that particular line remained her favorite throughout her entire childhood; I would know, she kept it in her wallet at all times, and it was also on her freaking Instagram bio.

She's good.

Damn it! She doesn't deserve to be damned!

She's good.

The morning of was a school day, but I managed to convince Alex to stay home for once. She was in no condition to go to school, never mind putting on a mask and pretending that everything was okay.